


Toy With My Heart

by ddelusionall



Series: Toy [1]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Changmin stops when Yoochun says stop, M/M, Master/Slave, POV First Person, POV Shim Changmin, Slavery, Underage - Freeform, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-14
Updated: 2011-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:02:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddelusionall/pseuds/ddelusionall
Summary: I don't need a toy, haven't ever desired one. Then Jaejoong shows me his newest acquisition, but Micky isn't Micky; and things get complicated.
Relationships: Jung Yunho (DBSK)/Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun/Shim Changmin
Series: Toy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721092
Kudos: 2





	1. Find Me

**Author's Note:**

> I am importing my stories from LiveJournal. The original fic can be found [here](http://be-ddelusionall.livejournal.com/).
> 
> I haven't read this story in a long time, so I may have missed some tags. Just let me know if I did.

“Changmin, baby!”

“Hello, Jaejoong-shi.”

The beautiful man pouted at me and I smiled. “My apologies, Joongie-baby.”

His lips spread in a smile, and if I hadn’t been used to it, I probably would have lost my breath. The beauty’s hair was deep red this week, almost magenta, but not quite. It made his pale skin paler. His dark eyes bored into mine, but I knew he wasn’t that upset.

I moved to the red divan where he was lounging. All he wore were loose black pants and a tight white tank top that was most likely silk. There was a bulge at his nipple made by a piercing. He also had black studs up both ears and his cock was pierced, though I’d only seen that piercing once.

He turned his face and I pressed a long kiss to his cheek.

“What is the emergency?” I asked.

“Oh, no emergency, just something new that I thought you’d want before someone else snagged it up.”

My eyebrows raised in surprise.

We bantered back and forth and bickered like a married couple. Some people thought we were enemies, but there were very few people in this world I would call a friend, and Jaejoong was one of those. So when my secretary said Jaejoong was having a crisis, of course, I came running.

“You faked an emergency--”

“I did not!”

“Taeyeon said you were crying.”

“I wasn’t. I was just excited. This one is perfect for you and I thought--”

I held up my hand. “Please, Jaejoong. I don’t need to see another toy.”

Jaejoong stood up. A silver chain jingled as it was jostled. It connected from his wrist to the collar on his toy. The toy did not move, his neck stretching. I watched him as his master moved closer.

U-know was getting old; he was over twenty, but Jaejoong loved him so much. I doubted Jaejoong would ever get a new toy, buy one of his own products. His hair was black at the moment, and falling just below his ears. He kept his eyes on the floor, hands in fists on his thighs. All he wore were tight red pants, his muscled chest on display.

I wondered what he thought of his position. I would never say that I disapproved of the system. It was just another service, business, a way to make money. And Jaejoong’s products were always top of the line. He handpicked the toys he sold, and he screened his clients and only allowed the toys to go to the richest masters. They were not allowed to be abused beyond the sexual realms of their duties. If Jaejoong found out they were being mistreated, he took them back. No refund.

“U-know has a new piercing,” I said, noticing a glint on his chest.

Jaejoong’s face brightened at the mention of his pet. He nodded and then spun around and kneeled next to his toy. His fingers touched the piercing in his nipple. The skin around it was red, probably from Jaejoong sucking on it.

“Isn’t it sexy?” Jaejoong asked and kissed below his toy’s ear. His toy shivered.

“I’ve always said U-know was sexy, Joongie-baby.”

Jaejoong seemed to forget about me as he pampered his toy with kisses while his fingers twisted the piercing. His whispering voice did not form words, at least not to me, but to U-know they did, and I licked my lips as his cock grew hard in those red pants.

“M-master?”

“Yes, U-know, darling?”

“Shim C-Changmin-shi. Distracting you.”

I smiled.

Jaejoong pouted at me. “You’re evil,” he said.

I shrugged. “It worked. I could have walked out the door and you wouldn’t even have noticed.”

“Thank you, darling,” Jaejoong said and kissed U-know’s lips. “You are getting a reward for that.”

U-know smiled widely. “Thank you, master Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong stood up again and then said, “Come on. Let’s show Changmin his new toy.”

I should have protested, but sometimes it was easier to let Jaejoong wallow in his delusions. I had no reason to have a pet or to buy one. I had not problem getting dates. No problem getting laid from a willing partner. Jaejoong always said it was the companionship, knowing that something waited for you when you got home after a long day.

I followed after the pair. U-know crawled behind Jaejoong, and I shortened my stride so I could run my hands through his hair. Very few people were allowed to touch U-know. Jaejoong knew I did not want anything more than to show U-know how desirable he was, so Jaejoong let me touch him.

“The minute I saw him, I thought of you. Please, Changmin. Just look at him. He’s adorable.”

“I haven’t left, have I?” I asked as Jaejoong opened a door. He did not lead me to the show cases, surprisingly.

He saw my curious look and grinned. “I told you. No one else has seen him.”

Jaejoong led me to his office. In the middle of the room was a metal cage. The toy inside jerked when the door shut. He whimpered, and all I saw between the metal mesh was pale skin of a thigh, and fingers gripped tightly into that thigh so the skin was red and the knuckles white.

The bottom of the cage was padded, but I glared at Jaejoong. “I thought you didn’t do cages.”

“He bit me,” Jaejoong said, and showed me a teeth imprint on his side. “It won’t be for long. I’m sure you’ll--”

“I’m willing to entertain this idea, Jaejoong-shi, but I don’t want a pet.”

Jaejoong gave me a ‘we’ll see about that look’. He let go of U-know’s leash, and he crawled to the cage. The toy whimpered again and tried to move away from him, but U-know rubbed his face on the cage where the toy was pushed against it. His shivered more, but after a moment, he lifted his head and looked at U-know.

My breath caught. He was beautiful. Round face, tear drop eyes, beautiful skin. His brown hair fell past his chin.

Jaejoong smirked at me. “Told you so.”

I swallowed, trying to form a sentence.

“His name is Micky. The woman I bought him from says that he’s sixteen, but I doubt that.”

I barely heard him. U-know had convinced him of his sincerity and the toy was rubbing against the cage. Their cheeks touched around the metal.

“I …” I had never wanted to touch something as much as I wanted to touch that porcelain skin.

Jaejoong knew me well enough to understand my request. He moved to the cage. “Don’t bite anymore, okay? We’re not going to hurt you.”

“W-why did he …”

Jaejoong sighed. “I had him in my lap, inspecting him and he cried out and bit me.”

My gaze shot to him. “What? That … means …”

Jaejoong smiled again. “Yes, that’s what that means. He’s untouched. Another reason I knew you’d want him.” He opened the cage and then said, “Out.”

The toy looked terrified, but U-know touched him through the cage and he relaxed.

The toy climbed out of the cage, and then stayed on his knees, head lowered. My mouth went dry. I doubted right away that he was sixteen. He certainly looked younger, with narrow chest and a narrow waist. His collarbones jutted out from his body. He was too skinny, and I winced upon seeing his ribs.

“He’s malnourished,” Jaejoong said, “but he’ll fill out with a steady stream of food.”

I nodded absently. Jaejoong normally would not show a toy to anyone unless it was in perfect condition. I tore my gaze away from him and looked at Jaejoong. I couldn’t formulate the question.

He smirked. “I knew you’d like him.”

I looked back at the toy on the floor. I did like him. He was pretty in the way that all of Jaejoong’s toys were pretty, but I … it was not like I was against owning a person for sexual pleasures, especially not one from Jaejoong’s house. I would never buy one from anyone else. If I bought one, but I never said I wouldn’t. I just never wanted one. And now that I wanted one, I felt a bit dirty. I could already see myself memorizing that skin with my fingers and lips.

“Don’t be disgusted with yourself, Minnie. It’s not your fault. Blame me if you blame anyone. In the past, I’ve showed you my toys, thinking you didn’t want one, but after a while, I realized it was only because I hadn’t found the right one for you, and now that I’ve found the right one, it’s okay for you to want him.”

I licked my lips.

In the fog filling my brain, I heard Jaejoong call for U-know.

U-know rubbed his face against Micky’s shoulder, and a sharp stab of possessiveness filled me, but I was too frozen to act upon it. U-know left, crawling by me, and for once, I did not touch him. I no longer wanted to touch him. The door shut with a soft click.

The toy on the floor lowered his head further, face curtained by his long hair. His chest rose and fell quickly. My knees gave out.

Later I would try to explain the sudden attraction, the sudden need. There had been prettier toys, but it was something else. I have no idea. Still don’t.

Jaejoong took pride in knowing his clients better than they knew themselves, and as the best friend, I guess that meant he knew me WAY better than I knew myself.

I wanted the toy in my arms. Right then, my mouth would not form the command, and I could not move. Slowly, his head rose, and his tear-filled, dark eyes met mine. He’d been crying, and I had done nothing. I gasped, a pained noise wrenched from my throat. I lurched forward. He winced, but did not move and then he was in my arms. I sat back on the floor, cross-legged, with the toy in my lap. My hands ran up and down his back. His skin was so soft.

I felt out of myself for a moment. Above. Watching as I touched him. Aware of his whimpers and shudders, but uncaring. I knew I should have stopped, but I couldn’t. I cupped his ass, pulled him closer until he was straddling me, legs around my waist. My fingers curled over the barely-there curves. He was too skinny. I found the head I was seeking and swiped fingertips over his tight entrance.

“P-please d-dont, please, don’t.” His voice was tired, accepting of his fate, but terrified.

And I stopped. He was not allowed to say anything to me, but he was so scared. I could never, ever hurt this beautiful creature. I picked him up. Careful. There was a blanket and a small bag on the desk. I wrapped my toy up in the blue cloth, shouldered the bag and then left Jaejoong’s office, using the back stairs. I did not want to put him down to drive home. Jaejoong had thought of this, of course. One of Jaejoong’s drivers waited for me in the side driveway. I cradled Micky close, my nose buried in his hair, for the short drive home.

Micky never stopped shaking, fingers clutching my shirt.

I didn’t blame him. I’d be scared and confused too.

The driver pulled into the underground garage. He said something about someone bringing my car over, but I was already out and in the elevator. Micky had calmed down, but he hadn’t lifted his face from my chest or released my shirt..

Quietly, so I wouldn’t upset Micky, I asked Mirae to bring some fruit and light breads up to my room. I carried my new charge up the stairs to my suite. In the main room, I dimmed the lights, and then entered the bed chamber. I crawled carefully over my bed and settled his body in the middle.

“Don’t go anywhere,” I whispered and pressed a light kiss to his forehead. He shivered and very slowly unclenched his fingers from my chest. I brushed hair from his cheeks. I did not want to leave his side, but I did. Only long enough to pull the heavy drapes over the windows. He gasped as the room darkened, and I immediately moved back to his side. He had curled on his side, fingers in the deep blue comforter.

I settled next to him. He flinched, and I frowned as I touched his bare hip. His young body tempted me to touch him everywhere, but I kept my hand still.

“I won’t hurt you,” I whispered.

I suddenly had so many questions. Where was he from? Who had he lived with before Jaejoong bought him? Why was he untouched? Why was he so terrified?

The last question I answered based on logic. I had never seen someone so new to being a pet. Jaejoong always weened them and bred them to be what they were supposed to be. Jaejoong could have waited a few months before showing me Micky. But then I probably would not have wanted him.

Part of the attraction was his innocence. But that made me feel dirty again. I did not mean it like that. But he was pure, and I liked that no one had touched him or fucked him. He wasn’t just another toy for pleasure.

He was mine.

Devious Jaejoong.

“Micky,” I whispered, and slid an inch closer to him. I wondered if he could feel my body heat.

The only noise he made was muffled into the blankets.

I grabbed a flannel blanket from the end of the bed, putting it over his body. Jaejoong said he kept them naked to get them used to it, but I wanted nothing more than my new toy to stop crying. I put my arms around him, over the blanket, and held him close.

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want him to cry or be afraid of me.

There was a light knock on the door and I told Mirae to come in. She rolled a tray in front of her, bringing it right to the end of the bed.

She smiled at me and the shaking bundle on the bed. “Patience, Changmin-shi. Patience.”

I nodded. “Thank you, Mirae.”

She left the room almost as quietly as she came in.

I waited a few more minutes, until his body shivered less. “Are you hungry, darling?” The endearment fell from my lips easily. Part of me panicked, but my heart swelled, because he was my darling. From now on, he would be.

His face turned, peering at me from under the blanket. He wet his pink lips with his tongue. I refrained from stealing them in a kiss.

He nodded. “Yes, m-m-ma--” He did not finish the word, and I knew I should have made him, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

“Sit up,” I said, following my own command. I sat cross-legged and he copied me, keeping the blanket over his lap.

I twisted and grabbed the tray of fruit from the cart. I picked up a strawberry and held it out for him. He stared at it for a moment, and then leaned forward and wrapped his lips around it. His eyes shut in bliss and his white teeth cut into the fruit. Juice dripped down his chin. He pulled away from the fruit and tried to catch it with his fingers, cheeks turning almost as red as the fruit.

I smiled and grabbed a napkin and wiped it up, even though I wanted to lick it up. He kept his eyes downcast as I chose another piece of fruit. He ate them eagerly (except the pineapple. He made a face at the tartness on his tongue, so I ate that one instead). Sweet breads covered in butter and cream disappeared almost faster than the fruit.

He frowned when I put the tray back on the cart. I laughed and wiped cream from the corner of his mouth. “I don’t want you to get sick,” I said. “Too much food too fast isn’t good for you. Here.”

I handed him a small glass of milk. He drank it gratefully.

I stared at him after we had finished eating, and he grew embarrassed again. Unable to stop myself, I touched his hair, ran my fingertips over his cheeks. He was so beautiful.

His blush deepened. I must have said that out loud.

“May I ask you some questions?”

A bare shoulder rose in a shrug.

I smiled widely. Of course I could. I was his master, but I didn’t feel like that. He owned every part of me, and I doubted he really understood that.

“How old are you?”

His skin went bright red, and he hugged himself tightly.

“You won’t get in trouble,” I said quickly.

“S-she needed the money,” he whispered, “and … and …”

“She won’t get in trouble either. I just want to know everything about you.”

The corner of his mouth turned up. He had a dimple on his cheek. “I … I just turned fourteen. Only three weeks ago.”

My breath left me in a rush. Fourteen was entirely too young. Not for some, but definitely for me. I wanted to touch him, and then I didn’t.

“I-I’m sorry, m-m-m-mas-master.”

My face must have twisted or something. I quickly relaxed and reached for him, cupping his cheeks and making him look at me. “Don’t be. Please. It’s not your fault.”

I reached for the phone on my bedside table. It rang twice and then Mirae picked up.

“Mirae, will you please send Seunghyun up? Thank you.”

Micky pulled his knees up, and then covered his upper body with the blanket.

“Who is the woman Jaejoong bought you from?” he asked.

Micky put his lower lip between his teeth and buried into the blanket. His shoulders shook.

“Micky?” I said, worried.

He shook his head.

“Nothing you say will make me love you less, my darling,” I said and held him tightly.

His face pressed against my chest, his hands gripped my shirt again. Just when I thought the tears had stopped.

“She needed the money. She …” Micky’s breath almost stopped in his tears.

Again I took his face in my hands, and rubbed away his tears. Staring into his dark eyes, I had an epiphany. He was not a toy.

“What’s your real name?” I asked.

He winced like I had slapped him, and his eyes shut as more tears fell down his cheeks.

“What is it?” I asked, more forceful.

“Y-yoochun,” he barely whispered.

I cursed and then remembered the look in Jaejoong’s eyes. He had known. He had known and let me take this boy anyway. Anger spurred through me.

“Please, I’m sorry. I wasn’t--” He yanked himself away from me and fell to the bed with a cry.

I ran my hand over his bare back. “You are not in trouble. I promise. I’m going to have a stern word with Jaejoong, but you are not in trouble.”

There was another knock on the door. I shouted for Seunghyun to wait a moment.

“Yoochun.”

He flinched again, and then shivered under my touch.

“Come on. Get up. Seunghyun is my tailor and he’s going to measure you for some proper clothes.”

Yoochun froze and then looked over at me in question.

I smiled. “You’re too young for me. But I have been known to cave to temptation. Clothes will take most of that temptation away.”

The confusion in his face increased.

I laughed and told Seunghyun to enter. I pushed Yoochun to the edge of the bed and told him to stand up. He did slowly, and then let the blanket fall when Seunghyun told him to. I drank in the sight of his skin, because after today, he would have clothes on. As soon as Seunghyun was through measuring him, he picked the blanket up and put it around his shoulders again.

He stood unsure, and then met my eyes for a moment. “M-mas-”

“Don’t call me that. Changmin or hyung is fine.”

Yoochun swallowed nervously. “Changmin-shi, may I use the bathroom?”

“Of course.” I stood up and showed him the way to the bathroom. I told him to shower or bathe or do whatever he wanted to feel clean. With as much willpower as I could muster, I turned away and left him in the bathroom.

I called Jaejoong.

“Through playing already?” he said as a hello.

“He is not a toy,” I said immediately.

Silence. Jaejoong knew.

“I can’t … this …”

“You didn’t want a toy,” Jaejoong said.

“Jaejoong.”

“Changmin. He’s what you want.”

“He’s not … he’s fourteen.”

Jaejoong sighed. “What are you saying? Are you going to bring him back to me?”

I froze and realized my mistake by acknowledging this. Legally, Jaejoong had to take him back.

“I purchased him because of desperation, Changmin. I knew he was not a toy, but I also knew that he isn't old enough to legally be played with. And I also knew that you would like him. You would nurture him and you would not abuse him. I promised his mother he would--”

“Mother?”

Jaejoong sighed. “Desperation, Changmin. You were born into the life you live. Others are not. She is alone, trying to raise two boys. And now she has enough money to send the second one to a good boarding school, to better their lives. I knew that you would--”

I hung up on him. Not wanting to hear more. Guilt overwhelmed me. Guilt from the way I desired the boy, desired someone’s child.

 _Toys are someone’s child, too._ Somehow, I always forgot that.

A throat cleared in the doorway. I turned around and my mouth fell open. Yoochun’s dark hair was wet against his shoulders. He tried uselessly to keep one of my robes around his body.

I had a second bed chamber in my suite. A smaller one with a small bed. But I wanted to be selfish. I held my hand out and he shuffled over to me. I sat on the bed, turned him and sat him down between my legs. I ran my hands through his wet hair, pulling part of the robe up to dry it further. I needed a brush.

“C-Changmin-shi?” he said and held up his hand. A brush. “I … I was going to ask if I could use this.”

“No, you can’t.” I took the brush from him and ran it through his hair. “I intend to worship you, pamper you, and take care of you. So, no, you can’t. This is my job.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Are you tired?” I asked as I slowly brushed his hair strait. It was long, soft.

“A little.”

I set the brush down on the side table, completely dimmed the lights and then pulled the blankets back on the bed. He had relaxed while I brushed his hair, but he tensed up again when I touched his shoulder. He let me pull him back, and then shaking, climbed into the bed. I wondered what he thought I was going to do to him. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and then sat up straight. I unbuttoned my shirt, slipping it off my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. I did not stand up as I took off my slacks, leaving me in boxers and a tank top. I could feel him shivering. I climbed into the bed next to him, under the blanket but on top of the sheet, so it was between us.

I could have taken him to the second suite. I should have.

I put my arm around his waist, held him close, and let the fresh scent of him relax me. It was too early for bed, but he fell asleep after he relaxed when I did not touch or kiss him. I pondered him for a moment.

Technically, he was mine. I had no idea how much Jaejoong would charge me for him, but I didn’t care either.

Still, he was not meant to be a toy. I wondered how many toys were not meant to be toys, sold in a desperate need for money. I was angry at his mother for a little while, watching my darling sleep. How could she just give up on him like that? But then I decided that Yoochun had been the man of the house. He would have made the decision himself. For the sake of his mother and brother.

It was not fair. Not to them, not to him.

He was my charge. My responsibility. I would take care of him. I would get him a tutor, buy him anything he wanted. He moaned in his sleep, twitching with his dreams. Nothing would stop me from making him happy. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and tried to get some sleep.


	2. Hold Me

I managed to control myself for four months. We slept in the same bed, so I was surprised I lasted that long. I never did claim to have any self-control when it came to sex; what twenty-seven year old does?

But it wasn’t in bed, with both of us vulnerable to the other, morning erections on display.

It was in the library, during his lessons.

Yoochun excelled in math and music. He loved history and literature. There wasn’t much he didn’t enjoy (except for biology - he liked the straightforwardness of physics, but physical sciences were beyond him). I took it upon myself to teach him economics and business. He didn’t particularly enjoy those either.

Then again, I made him think. I set him to read transcripts of court cases, transcripts of business documents, and then led discussions regarding them.

His teachers said that he paid more respect to me than he did them. I understood why, but it bothered me. He didn’t treat me as a father figure. Or as a teacher. He never called me master. But he also did not call me “hyung”. I wanted him, too. Changmin-shi was so polite.

I always called him ‘my darling’, even during his lessons. I was pretty strict with him. I assigned him homework in all his classes, gave him college level tests and made him wear something similar to a school uniform. He wore black slacks, a gray vest over a button down shirt. His tie was green and gray. I also required him to have his long hair pulled back in a ponytail. If he was at school, he’d have to cut it, but I was selfish. I liked it long. Every now and then a strand would fall over his cheek, and he’d push it back with delicate fingers.

Yoochun bent over a text. Plump lower lip between his white teeth. He glanced up at me, and our eyes met. For a moment, he stared at me and I realized he had asked me a question.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, my darling. My mind wandered.”

The side of his lip jerked, almost like he was going to smile. “It does that a lot.”

“And it’s your fault.”

He bit his lip, looking like he’d done something wrong.

I laughed. “But it’s definitely not your fault that it’s your fault that my mind wanders.”

“Huh?”

My smile widened as his face scrunched with more confusion. “I’m going to have to stop teaching you.”

“What? Why?”

“I can’t really focus, my darling. Well, that’s not true. I can focus, but I focus on teaching you inappropriate things instead of what I should be teaching.”

His cheeks burned red as my meaning registered.

“You’re no less alluring to me than the moment I saw you, darling. You’re more so. Seeing you so open and full of smiles and learning. It’s endearing. Now. Back to studying.”

He gnawed on his lower lip, but did not say anything for the rest of his lesson. Nor did he read, face scrunched up in thought. He was quiet through dinner, and tense while we readied for bed. I did as I always did. Pressed a kiss to his cheek and rolled away from him with a whisper of “Good night, my darling.”

That night, he surprised me. “Good night, hyung.”

And I forgot how to sleep.

The next day was even worse. For me anyway. Saturday. I had no work, and when he finished his homework, Yoochun had nothing to do either. Besides schooling, I tried to make his life more or less normal. Jaejoong got a kick out of the fact that I’m a gamer on the weekends, and now that I had Yoochun, I had someone to play video games with.

He was starting to beat me at my favorite games.

“So what game are you going to kick my ass on today?” I asked.

“I … um, have some reading to do, h-hyung,” he said quietly, not lifting his head from the book on the table.

I was pretty sure he was lying, but I said okay, and told him to come and find me when he was done.

I did not go far. I stopped right outside the library door and leaned against the wall.

Fighting with my libido was getting harder and harder. No pun intended.

The sounds of muffled sobs slipped through the slightly open door. I froze and strained to hear. My heart clenched tightly. Without thinking of me or the situation, I entered the library. Yoochun had his arm on the desk, his head in his arm, so all I could see was the top of his head and shaking shoulders.

I was next to him in four strides, kneeling. He jerked in surprise and tried to hide from me, but my arms were already around his waist, pulling him off the chair to hold him. His fingers clenched in my shirt, so much like the first time I held him.

“My darling,” I whispered into his hair.

He shook his head and cried. Frustrated tears. Not from sadness. That eased my heart some, but then he started talking.

“What do you want from me?” was the only thing I understood before he started hitting my chest with his closed fist.

I grabbed his wrist and yanked it back until he cried out and tilted his head back. His Adam’s apple bobbed with his heavy gasps. His long lashes fluttered on his round cheeks. I kissed away the tears as they fell.

“I want you to be happy,” I replied after a moment. And it was true. I wanted him to be happy.

His eyes opened and our gazes met.

“Happy, Yoochun. I want you to be ridiculously happy because you make me ridiculously happy.”

His eyes shut again and a new set of tears fell. His tongue peaked out to wet his plump, lower lip.

And that is when I caved.

I caught that lip with mine, ignoring his surprised gasp. I sucked it into my mouth. His tongue touched my upper lip. I moaned low, and then felt his hands trying to push me away. I released his lips, but I kept our faces close.

“Forgive me, my darling,” I whispered and kissed his cheek.

Slowly his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I tightened my hold around his waist, he buried his face in my neck.

“I just don’t know what you want,” he said, emboldened now that I could not look at him. I turned my face so it was buried in the length of his hair.

“What do you want?” I asked.

He froze and then relaxed. A noise, embarrassed, unsure, escaped his throat.

“Tell me what you want. I will give you anything you want.”

“I want to go home,” he confessed, voice whisper soft.

It felt like someone dumped ice down my back. I pulled away and looked at him. He opened his mouth, closed it, muffled his cry and turned away from me. He muttered apologies and rocked back and forth, arms around his knees. I watched him and then put my hand on his back.

“Don’t be sorry, my darling,” I whispered. “It is against the law for you to--”

“I know.” He stopped shaking.

He let me hug him, and even settled into my arms as he calmed down.

“I’m sorry, Changmin-hyung,” he said again.

“I know you miss them,” I replied, and he nodded. “I will try. I can’t guarantee anything, but I’ll talk to Jaejoong.”

His head shot up and he spun around. “What?”

“Letting you go back isn’t an option,” I said firmly, “because that will put Jaejoong’s business at risk and both of our freedoms, but I will ask Jaejoong if we can go visit them.”

“You mean it, hyung?” he said, kneeling, eyes wide and excited.

With Yoochun’s eyes shining just from the possibility, I knew that I would make it happen. I nodded. “I promise. I’ll do everything I can to--”

“Thank you, hyung!” he shouted and threw himself at me. I _oofed_ and fell onto my back. My head hit the floor, but it was his lips against mine that stunned me.

And him. He pulled away almost immediately, blushing red. Holding himself away with his hands flat on my chest.

I caught his face in my hands and kissed him again, softly, unassuming. His arms shook, and then folded. I wrapped my arms around him, turning to the side. He shivered into the kiss, hands gripping my muscles.

 _He’s only fourteen,_ a very annoying voice reminded me.

I sighed and sat us up. He stayed in my lap, quiet gasps panting against my neck.

“I’m sorry, my darl--” My words cut off at the feel of his lips on my skin. It was my turn to shiver. His arms tightened, his legs wrapped around my waist, and then his lips were on mine again.

“Yoo--chun--Yoo--” I needed to stop him by more than just saying his name. It’s not like I wasn’t stronger than he was. But his enthusiasm and his innocence spurred me on. I never imagined this moment on the floor of the library. On a desk in the library, yes; but not on the floor.

So who was in control? Right.

I gripped his cheeks again and broke the agonizing kisses. “Don’t, my darling. Not for me.”

He frowned, and then nodded. I ran my thumb over his lip, and he kissed it. I sat us up, succumbed to one more kiss and then stood up. My raging hard on was screaming at me.

I pulled him to his feet. “Come on. You can do your homework tomorrow.” I took his hand and led him to the game room where he spectacularly kicked my ass in almost every game we played.

Later, if he slid a little closer to me in bed, I pretended not to notice.

\---

Jaejoong didn’t manage to arrange things until Yoochun’s fifteenth birthday. I spoiled him rotten that day, giving him gifts that didn’t mean as much as visiting his family.

His mother was beyond surprised to see him, and beyond happy. They hugged at the front door, and she cried. When Yoochun pulled away, her eyes stared at my car, the tinted windows, noting the expensive vehicle.

Yoochun touched her shoulder and led her inside.

I told him he had three hours, but he stayed for five. His brother came home from school, and there was another reunion. I warned him that it was too dangerous to come back here. Once someone was sold into slavery, they were not allowed to return. Yoochun knew the risks. I knew the risks. Jaejoong knew the risks; that’s why it took him so long to arrange it. He had to make sure no one would be watching us or him or Yoochun's family.

The door opened, and the three of them hugged on the front porch. His mother would not let him go. I grew anxious. The longer we were there, the better chance of us being discovered.

I rolled the window down enough to snap at him to hurry. He glanced at the car and frowned. I wished I could have given him more time. He pressed a kiss to his mother’s cheek and hugged his brother. His footsteps were heavy all the way back to my car.

I wished I could have driven away and pretended I never met Yoochun.

Yoochun climbed into the car slowly, turning his head to look back at his family. I lowered the window so he could wave goodbye. He put his seat belt on when I reminded him and looked out the window.

His mother shouted that she loved him. He waved, and I put the car in drive and slowly moved away. He waved until I turned a corner, and then he slouched down, curled in on himself and cried.

I reached my hand out for him, and he took it, squeezing my fingers between his.

“Thank you, hyung” he whispered, and then pressed his face to the window and said nothing more as I drove back home.

I expected him to be subdued and want to be alone all day. I did not expect him to be clingy. He attached himself to my side in the elevator, arms around my waist, face pressed against my chest.

I intended to eat dinner as soon as we arrived, but he was in no position to do so. His feet stumbled on the stairs. I picked him up and carried him to the bedroom. He wrapped his legs around my waist, arms around my shoulders, face pressed against my neck. He was no longer as light as he used to be.

I laid him on the bed with the intention of getting up, but he tightened his hold again, and I lay with him, on top of him, my body covering his. I tried to keep my hips away from his crotch. But then he sagged, half yanking on me and I fell against him. He moaned, or whimpered, or … something. My eyes shut tight so I would not turn this into a sexual situation. He needed comfort right now.

“Hyung?” he said, voice breaking.

“Yes, my darling?”

“I want to make you happy, but I don’t know how.”

I pulled away, propping up a bit. My eyes shut as my hips rolled down. My head went light for a moment. His fingers touched my cheek. Snapping away from the moment.

I caught his hand, smiled and kissed the fleshy part of his palm. “I am happy, darling. You already make me happy.”

He bit his lower lip and looked away. I kissed his hand again and then lowered it, putting my elbows on either side of his head. His face was still turned away, and I kissed his cheek.

“Do not force yourself, or do anything because you don’t think I’m happy. Happiness is different for every person, Yoochun darling. Remember that. Being with you, in any way, makes me happy.”

He looked at me, and my breath caught at the determination in his face. I stopped him as he leaned up for a kiss.

“I think my body is showing you how much I want you,” I whispered, thrusting lightly so my erection hit his stomach, “but yours is not, and I will not force you.”

He clutched at my shirt again. “But you want me.”

“And I have you. I have your smiles and your attention. I don’t need more than that.”

He huffed out a breath of frustration.

“You don’t have to thank me with your body, my darling.”

“I--I don’t know what else to do.”

I kissed him lightly. “Are you hungry?”

He shook his head.

I nodded. “Okay. Stay and rest. I have tons of work to catch up on.”

Yoochun whimpered and shook his head again. “Don’t leave me alone, please.”

“Come with me then. I could laze the day away in bed with you, but businesses don’t run themselves.”

He suddenly smiled and said, voice stern, “A successful businessman doesn’t need to do anything. If things are done right, his businesses will run themselves.”

I laughed at my own words out of his mouth. “Who is teaching you to be so lazy?”

“Not lazy, successful.”

I smiled widely and kissed his cheek again. “So, Mr. Businessman, what should we do then? Stay here and tease me, or go make those phone calls that a lazy businessman must make every now and then to insure that his employees aren’t being lazy?”

His hands slipped into my suit jacket, around my hips, up my back. “Stay here.”

My eyes widened in shock and he blushed and looked away. I shut my eyes and reveled in his light touches. I had to clear my throat in order to say, “And this is why I’m the successful business man and you are the irresponsible teenager.”

He smiled brightly, and this time when he went for my lips, I let him kiss me.

It took all my self control to move away from him. “Come on. Let’s go.”


	3. Feel Me

Yoochun’s attentions increased. He touched me more, laughed with me more, kissed me more. I probably should not have allowed it, because I knew he was doing it to make me happy. I have established that I am a selfish man though, and after a month or so, he relaxed, and it seemed like he did enjoy our moments

I wanted to push him, take more. We still did nothing beyond kisses.

On a lazy Sunday morning, we lay in the conservatory, soaking up the sun through the glass walls and ceiling. There was a hidden cove in the sea of green plants. Around a few walkways and corners, near the largest trees. We spent many lazy Sunday mornings there, with me on my back, and him with his head pillowed on my chest. He ran his fingers over the buttons of my shirt. I put one arm behind my head, and the other around his body.

The silence was ruined by my cell phone, chirping with Jaejoong’s ring tone. I sighed and took it from my pocket.

“Someone better be dead,” I said.

“Did I interrupt a sexy moment?”

I knew Yoochun could hear him as his hand stopped for a moment before continuing his lazy touches.

“No. Just a perfect one.”

“Ah, Minnie-baby, I’m sorry. But I have news. Good and bad, but the bad stems from the good.”

“Okay.”

“I can take Micky out of my records.”

“What?”

“I can erase him. Erase the purchase of him, erase the transaction, erase anything in my files that has to do with Micky.”

I sat up in surprise, knocking Yoochun to the ground. “What?”

“I can. Just tell me and I will.”

“Joongie, but that … I’ll call you back.”

“Wait. The bad news.”

I looked down at Yoochun’s confused face. “I already know what the bad news is.” I hung up and stared at Yoochun, heart breaking.

“Jaejoong can erase you,” I whispered. I reached to touch his cheek and stopped.

He sat up slowly. “What does that mean?”

“It means that you will no longer be a toy. I can become your legal guardian, or you can go home.”

“And …”

I sighed and turned away from him. He came up behind me, arms around my body. He put his chin on my shoulder. I reached behind me and wrapped an arm around him.

“If I am your legal guardian, this stops, as innocent as it is. But it is not legal for someone as young as you who is not a toy.”

He rotated until he was straddling my lap. “Or?”

“Or you go home and--”

“No, not that. Or Jaejoong doesn’t erase me. Then what?”

I met his eyes carefully. “Then nothing changes.”

“Something would change,” he said.

“What?”

His gaze turned pensive, but his lashes lowered and his tongue swiped over his lower lip. I moaned, succumbing, and kissed him. That lower lip fit so perfectly between mine. He gasped and touched his tongue to mine.

“It’s your decision,” I said, voice deep with desire. My body thrummed with the need to touch his skin.

“Don’t make me. You decide.”

I shook my head. “I can’t do that, Yoochun. It’s not fair to you. If you stay my pet, nothing you’ve worked for will matter. You don’t exist, you can’t go to college, you can’t run a business. If I am your guardian, and someone discovers us in a moment like this, you will be taken from me and I will lose everything. If you go home, then in a few years, we can meet again. We can--”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

I rubbed my fingers over the apples of his cheeks. He hadn’t cried in so long, and now his eyes filled with tears.

“I’m the irresponsible one, remember?” he said, begging. “You--You decide.”

I smiled softly before pressing a small kiss to his lips. “I’m a selfish man, my darling.”

He cried out and buried his face in my neck. “Don’t make me leave, please don’t make me leave.”

I rocked him until he calmed down, until his quiet hiccups puffed against my neck.

He’d be old enough in a few short years. I sighed and kissed his cheek. He turned his head and kissed my lips.

“I-I’m still yours, for a little while, right? Just a little while. Please.” He pushed at my shoulders and I let him lower us to the ground. His hands shook as he unbuttoned my shirt. I did not stop him.

His hands were cool against the heat of my chest. He licked his lips as he watched himself run his hands up and down my body.His decision hung between us, in this moment and I didn’t like that. I didn’t want him to do this as a last resort.

“Please, my darling, don’t—“

He covered my mouth with his hand and glared at me. “I’m not doing this for you.”

I snorted from behind his hand.

He grinned and said, “Okay, well, not completely.”

I licked his hand, and his eyes rolled back. He moaned and rocked his hips against my body, making my eyes shut. I chewed on the palm of his hand as I gripped his hips tightly.

He jerked, hands landing on my chest. The light sleep pants he wore were tented from his erection. I held him steady and cupped it in my hand. He gasped, head falling back, hips jerking forward. His fingers clenched tightly on my chest and he thrust into my hand. He whimpered, and I shivered from the sound. With a moan, I sat up, held him close and kissed him roughly.

I let myself do what I had wanted most and shoved my tongue down his throat, trying to taste the deepest reaches of him. His hands pushed my shirt away, landing on skin. I grabbed the back of it with one hand, left his mouth long enough to pull it off and then tossed it to the side. It hung on a tree branch. I kissed him again as I tugged on his t-shirt. He lifted his arms and shivered at the sudden chill on his skin. I threw his shirt somewhere, and then ran my hands up and down his pale skin.

His creamy skin teased me. Part of me wanted to purple it, mark him, claim him as mine, but the largest part of me just wanted to taste him. All of him. I wrapped my arms around him and lowered him to the ground. He hissed from the cool, cobbled walkway on his back. I settled between his legs easily and then started my feast. Just below his ear, where the skin was already clammy with sweet sweat. He shivered and his skin jerked as I moved down the column of his neck. His collarbones had always fascinated me, mocked me from t-shirts, tank tops, unbuttoned crisp white shirts. I licked each one, sucked on the skin in the hollows of them, chewed and played with them for so many long minutes. He laughed as I hit a ticklish spot near where they met. I played there with my tongue.

I played for so long that the tension between us dissipated and the frantic need to touch lessened enough for us to enjoy each other. His hands ran up and down my sides while I tasted him.

Emboldened by desire, he pushed at the top of my slacks. I took my hands off his body only to unclasp them and lower the zipper. He accepted the invitation, small hands slipping into the front of my boxers. Fingertips teased the bends of my hips.

I broke away from his skin and shivered, weight rested mostly on one elbow by his head. “That tickles, my darling,” I said, meeting his eyes.

“Really?” he said and did it again, making my body spasm again.

I used my other hand to push my pants down, and he helped.

His eyes widened with panic, but he was determined, so I did not stop. I lay naked over him, lips pressing against his randomly as his hands explored my body. He calmed again, after I showed no intention of stopping him. Our lips stayed together longer, his hands gripped my ass and hips, fingers trailing over more sensitive spots.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, my darling,” I whispered, trailing my lips down his chin back to his throat. His fingers traced my hipbones again. I whimpered as his fingers barely grazed my erection. I hadn’t had sex in over a year. I was going to come in moments.

“I-I-I don’t want to leave.” His fingers curled around my dick, and I gasped as he stroked up.

“I don’t want you to leave,” I replied, eyes shut tight as pleasure rolled through me.

“I need to leave, don’t I?’

“Yes.”

Yoochun tightened his grip and stroked faster.

“Fuck,” I gasped and my lips found the muscle below his collarbone. I sucked hard, pulling a gasp from him. He whined when I bit down on the flesh in my mouth. I released it with a pop and moved lower, finding the small nub of his nipple with my teeth. I licked and sucked more gasps from him.

“Faster, darling.”

He gripped my side with the other hand, leverage for suddenly speeding strokes. Pleasure waved over me. Precome slipped from the slit and dripped onto his stomach. I rested my forehead on his chest and panted as my vision went gray. I jerked my hips into his hand, gasping.

“B-balls, Yoochun, please, just …” I lifted my head with a cry as his fingers cupped my balls, squeezing lightly. I pushed up, hands on his chest and squeezed, nails digging into his skin.

“Fuck!” I wanted to come, so much. I wanted to cover his skin in white. I opened my eyes, trying to find something from him, and it was in his eyes, in his smirk, in his lips as he slowly licked them. My eyes widened and I tried to keep them open as my orgasm crashed through me. I’m pretty sure I shouted his name as I came all over his chest and stomach. Each splatter made us both shiver.

I lost my energy all at once and sat hard on his body. I caught myself with hands next to his head. He laughed, and the sound shot joy through me that he wasn’t terrified or scared. I kissed him, eyes still shut, body still shuddering from his fingers.

Yoochun’s thumb dipped into the slit of my cock and I moaned. I yanked myself away from his lips and grabbed his wrist. He looked confused as I brought his hand up to my mouth. I met his gaze and licked his thumb, sucking it into my mouth. He shivered and sat up, joining me before I knew what he was up to. Our tongues tangled around his fingers and hand, licking my come from them.

He moaned low in his throat, and then pushed my hips. I rolled over, landing hard on the stone. I winced as a particularly abnormal stone dug into my back. Yoochun laughed as he settled over my hips. I moved over a little before gripping behind his neck and pulling him down for another long, deep kiss. He straightened his legs and lay completely against me. He sighed and then put his head on my shoulder, lips against my neck. I held him tightly with an arm around his shoulders. My other hand ran up and down his back, fingers bumping along his spine, and then drawing circles in his skin. He kissed my skin, hips rocking gently against me. His erection dug into my stomach.

I lowered my hand, slipping fingers under the waistband of his sleep pants. He shivered and moaned, speeding up slightly. I went further. Questing.

I was drawn back to the first day I saw him. The first day I touched him. The only time I had ever touched him. His body had quivered then, too, but now it was not from fear. I am so glad I did not take him then.

My finger traced his cleft.

“Hyung,” he moaned, humping me faster.

I rubbed my cheek on his head until he turned his face up and our lips met. I pushed, three fingers prying him open. I trailed a fingertip over his puckered entrance. It tightened under my touch. I would not fuck him, not yet. The conservatory was one of the few rooms I didn’t keep lube in.

“Get naked, darling,” I whispered against his lips.

He pushed up and shucked off his sleep pants. My come still clung to his stomach and I ran a finger through it before he straddled me again. I took the wet finger and pushed against his entrance. His breathing sped up. His hands clenched over my chest again. He whined low, head thrown back as my finger breached him, just a little. I wrapped my other hand around his cock and started stroking slow.

He whimpered and pushed his hips back, wincing from the sting of my finger going deeper. I pulled it out, gathered more come from our skin and tried again.

His eyes flew open and he shouted out, voice rough with pleasure. He moved his hips, up and down, fucking himself on my finger. I stroked faster. He licked his lips. The shine on his lower lip teased my eyes. I stopped stroking only long enough to push up, sit with him in my lap, so I could kiss him. I captured his lip between my teeth, half chewing, half kissing. I pulled my finger away again, this time coating two with more come and spit. God, I needed lube.

I put the first finger back in, holding still. His arms encircled my neck, his face against my shoulder as he moved up and down again. I hitched him closer, so his cock rubbed against my stomach. He moaned from the sensation. I pushed in the second finger. He gasped, face contorting as I worked it in slowly. He was so tight.

“Oh, darling, so perfect,” I crooned into his ear, licking at the lobe. “I can’t wait until I spread you open, feel this tightness around my dick.”

Yoochun whimpered. His teeth closed around my muscle. His body shook, and that tightness increased. He moved again, quick, up and down. I stroked him, rubbed the tip of his cock on my body. He cried out, begging for more, though I doubted he knew what more meant.

His erection twitched in my hand. I slowed my strokes, but pumped faster, deeper, twisting and spreading my fingers.

“C-Changmin! Ch-Changmin!”

“Come, my darling.” I curled my fingers as I drew them out of his body. He slammed back down on them with a cry, and then again, and I imagined him riding my cock like this, skin pebbled with need and the cool air. He looked so beautiful. His long hair was stuck to his cheeks, the ends stuck to his sweaty back. Sunlight fractured through the window and glistened on his skin. He bit down hard on my shoulder, body shaking as he came, splattering me with his release. He collapsed against me, shaking uncontrollably. I pulled my fingers from him carefully, afraid that I had hurt him.

I held him close as he cried, body heaving with his tears.

“P-please don’t make me go,” he whispered into my skin.

“Oh, my darling,” I said, holding him tighter. He settled against me, like he had almost a year ago, curled in my lap. I kissed his sweaty head. When he calmed down, I lifted his face to mine and looked at his tear-filled eyes.

“P-please, h-hyung. I don’t want to leave.”

I nodded, but I think he saw the resignation in my eyes. He would leave, we both knew he would leave.

I picked us up, and then steadied him while he dressed. Properly covered, I held his hand and we went up to our room. I led him to the bathroom where we stripped again. While the jetted tub filled with water, we rinsed off under the shower. He touched me everywhere, all over, concentrating again on my hip bones because that was the most sensitive part of me. I found that the small of his back was the most sensitive on him. Dragging my fingers over the ridge of his tailbone made him keen and arch into me.

In the tub, I sat on the small ledge under the water, my long legs stretched out to the other end of the tub. He wrapped his arms around my lower body, head at my shoulder. I hugged him close, fingers dipping into his cleft again. I couldn’t help but touch him everywhere.

When the water turned warm, we climbed out. He blushed crimson as I took a towel to his body to dry him off. I kneeled in front of him, dropping the towel. I kissed his chest and then down his stomach. I trailed my fingers down his thighs to his knees.

I looked up, met his eyes, as I curled my fingers around the base of his erection. I stuck my tongue out and ran my tongue over the crown. He gasped and almost fell into me, catching himself on my shoulders.

“Let’s go to bed,” I whispered.

He swallowed and then nodded. I stood up, scooped him up into my arms and carried him to the bed chamber. I laid him down gently, and then stayed kneeling, staring at his beauty, his perfection. I loved the way his pale skin contrasted with the blue of my blankets. He tried to cover his chest. A pink shade covered his skin as I stared.

“You are so beautiful, my darling,” I whispered and then lay over him. We kissed, for what felt like hours, our hands doing nothing more than lightly touching. We took turns, rolling on our backs, kissing, sucking, biting. Leaving light red marks on skin and muscles. The afternoon light faded in the windows, throwing orange and red through the room.

I stared at him, eyes dark with lust, hair mussed and lips deep red from kisses. I wanted to memorize this look. This image. Take it and hold it with me.

“Hyung,” he whispered, trailing fingertips over my nipple.

“Yes, my darling?”

“W-will … you …” He blushed and turned his face away.

I turned it back with firm fingers on his chin. “Don’t be embarrassed to ask for what you want, my darling. I will give anything to you and do anything to you.”

He chewed on his lower lip and then without actually looking at me, he said, “I want your fingers inside me again.”

I smiled and my erection twitched against his side. “I don’t know, you may have to force me.”

He laughed and shoved my shoulder. I rolled away, to the edge of the bed. His hand caressed my ass, making me shiver as I tried to open the side drawer. When his mouth followed a moment later, I yanked myself away and glared at him.

“Can’t do anything when you’re doing that,” I said.

He put his chin in his hands, his knees bent and he waved his legs back and forth. “Oops.”

I grabbed the bottle of lube and then with a growl, pounced on him. He laughed and laughed while I dug fingers into his sides. He put his arms above his head, flat on his back and begged for me to stop. I did, at least with the abuse. I rubbed my hands over his skin, soothing his sides and stomach. He shivered under the touch, looking at me with hooded eyes. My waning erection was full blown again. I lay right next to him, curling around him. He laid his head on my arm and snuggled next to me. I kissed him, keeping it slow and firm. Drawing him into my mouth. His hips rose steadily.

I trailed my hand over his body, fingers swirling at his belly button. I lightly gripped his cock, stroking only a few times before cupping his sack and rolling them over my fingers. I went back and forth, teasing him with light touches until he was panting against my lips.

“Please, hyung. I want to feel it again.”

“Like that?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

My hand left his body but only to grab the lube where I had tossed it on the bed. I gave him the bottle, and at his questioning look said, “I don’t want to move my other arm. Open it.”

He popped the top open. I held out my fingers and he poured more than enough on them. It dripped cold onto his chest.

“Perfect,” I said and rubbed my slick fingers on his nipple.

His breath hitched, his eyes shut and the bottle slipped from his fingers. He caught it quickly, putting the top back before putting it to the side. I trailed my slick fingers down his stomach, again mapping around his belly button. He gasped, and precome pumped from his cock when I stroked it.

“Lift your leg, darling,” I said.

His knee bent and I directed it so it lay over my hip. He bent his other leg, and I imaged what he looked like, all spread out for me. His entire body shook under the attentions. I slid my finger down the bend of his hip, teased his balls for only a moment and then went lower, finger nails scraping along the curve of his ass cheeks. He gasped and a hand flew to his erection.

I teased his entrance and waited, fingers light until he begged, my name falling from his lips in a litany of whimpers and pleas.

I chuckled and pressed a kiss to his lips just as I pressed a finger into his body. It slid in a lot easier than earlier. He moaned, hips rising. I pumped it in and out of him. He tried to stroke himself, but his hand faltered.

“Don’t, darling. Just feel my fingers,” I whispered into his mouth.

I moved slow, letting that finger push completely into him, over and over, twirling it and twisting and bending. His body shook, and every time I stopped kissing him, he whimpered for more. The second finger slid in easily. His channel tightened around my fingers as I moved them slowly.

“Hyung, feels so good,” he said. “So, so … so good.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek, rolling my fingers around each other, spreading them. “I’m stretching you,” I whispered. “Loosening the muscles.”

“W-why?”

“My dick is a lot bigger than my fingers.”

He froze and I mentally cursed. His body tightened.

“Hey,” I said and kissed him. “Don’t freak out, darling. This is standard preparation. I’m not going to fuck you if you don’t want me to.”

He took a few deep breaths and tried to relax, but the moment was broken. I stilled my fingers and then moved my arm.

“Hyung?” he whispered, probably thinking I was mad at him.

I shimmied down his body, between his legs, and then stared. “Lift your legs, darling.” He did as he said, and saliva filled my mouth, seeing his tight entrance clasped around my fingers. I slowly moved them in and out. He moaned, and then screamed as I decided I had looked long enough and I licked between my fingers.

“Hyung!” he shouted.

I met his eyes. “What? Tastes good.” I licked him again.

He moaned and fell back to the bed, arm over his face. His other hand weakly gripped his erection and stroked. I pumped my fingers faster and sucked his balls into my mouth. He cried out. His thighs shivered around my head. I very slowly added a third finger to his body. He tensed, and then his body gave with another moan.

God, I wanted to fuck him.

“Hyung, hyung! God, hyung, move your … move.”

I spread my fingers as I pulled them out, spread them more as I pushed them in, twisted my wrist, curled my fingers. I licked at his balls again. His hand flew on his cock. With a growl, I knocked his hand away, propped up enough and sucked his cock into my mouth.

His hands tangled in my hair and pulled, hips rising. I took him deep, swallowing as precome flooded my mouth. Every trip down my throat made him shout my name. He pulled my hair, yanking my head as his hips rose. I gave up trying to be gentle and slammed my fingers into his body. He cried out something, and then his cock pulsed, and pain spiked through my head. The first shot of come caught me by surprise and I sputtered, but could not move as he gripped my hair too tightly. I coughed and swallowed most of his release. He fell boneless to the bed. I shook my head, and his fingers loosened from my hair. I tried to clear my throat of his come.

“S-sorry, h-hyung,” he said between breaths.

“It’s all right. Just wasn’t expecting it.”

My fingers stayed in his body and I moved them, reminding him they were there. He moaned and gripped behind his knees. He rocked himself and I held my hand firmly under his ass.

“Fuck me, hyung.”

I froze, eyes wide.

His cheeks burned red, but he held eye contact and said it again.

“Are you sure? It’s going to hurt.”

“Yeah, but if … if you don’t … it--”

“I’ll survive,” I said with a smile. “But if I do, it’s still going to hurt. You’re so tight it’s going to feel like my dick will fall off.”

He laughed, blushing red.

I slowly removed my fingers. I kneeled between his legs, running my hands up and down his inner thighs. I did not want to hurt him, but god, I wanted to fuck him. Such a dilemma.

I picked up the bottle of lube and covered my cock with it. I was close to bursting just thinking of being inside Yoochun. It wouldn’t take long to get me to come. I hoped he would be all right. I poured a liberal amount right on his body, slipping it around and dipping my fingers into his body again and again.

He sighed and twitched under the attention.

The sun had set without us noticing. The only light in the room spilled from the door. It barely came to the bed, but I knew what Yoochun looked like, and I could see the angles of his face and body in the dark.

“You are so beautiful, my darling. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Hyung, please, don’t … don’t say that like you’re never going to see me again.” I heard the tears in his voice. I fell over him and covered his lips with mine. I kissed him desperately. I had forgotten that he was going to be gone. His legs wrapped around my waist. I held myself up with one hand and held my cock steady against his entrance with the other.

“Try to relax, love,” I whispered and pushed in.

He cried out and I retreated, swirling the head of my cock around his body, loosening him more. He panted and then gasped as I tried again. My cock slid past the tight ring of muscles, and then further. His fingers clawed at my back. I stopped, breath short as his body clenched around me. It was so fucking tight. I had to take a deep before I could pump in and out of him again. He cried out, this time in pain, and I knew that I could not help that. I pressed a kiss to his lower lip and tried to whisper at him, but the pleasure was too much, jerking me forward, pulling me into him, deeper and deeper.

“Hyung, stop, please, please.”

I shut my eyes tightly, completely buried in him and then lost control. He screamed as I slammed into him, and then again, again. My orgasm didn’t even build, just one moment it was there and the next, everything was black, and it felt like I was being sucked into Yoochun’s tight body, pulsing through us both as I emptied myself into him.

Slowly, my vision cleared and my hearing sharpened past the haze of lust.

Yoochun was crying. I pulled out of him, wincing when he whimpered.

“Oh, my darling, I’m sorry.” I gathered him close. “I’m so sorry.”

He gasped into my shoulder, trying to control himself.

“Please forgive me, my darling.”

Yoochun nodded and then took a deep breath. “That hurt.”

I winced. “I know. I’m sorry. Let’s go clean up and then go to bed, okay?”

He looked at me with terrified eyes.

“What?”

“I -- I don’t want to go to bed if I have to leave you tomorrow.”

I smiled and pressed a kiss to his swollen lips. “You don’t have to leave tomorrow.”

He sighed and looked away. I kissed his cheek. This time when I tugged on his arm, he let me pull him to the edge of the bed. I picked him up, despite my weak body, and carried him to the bathroom. My eyes went wide at the reflection in the mirror. Pink come dripped from his stretched body. Oops.

I set him in the shower and carefully washed him. Afterwards, I pampered his skin and body with lotions and a massage. I brushed his hair. It was so long now, almost past his shoulders. I worshiped his skin with my hands and lips, trying to make up for hurting him.

Yoochun’s smile was lost in a yawn. “Y-you’re such a girl.”

I pouted and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’m just--”

“I like it,” he said. He tried to kiss me, but yawned again. I rolled over and turned the light off. He snuggled close to me, lips pressing against my chest.

He fell asleep in my arms.

\---

Jaejoong arranged everything. And two weeks later, I was alone again.


	4. Love Me

Firm fingers dug into my back muscles. The scent of vanilla filled my nose. I moaned as U-know found another knot in my upper back.

“This is why you need a toy,” Jaejoong said, voice above me.

I raised a hand only high enough to flip him off.

“Right. You have a personal masseuse.”

I moved my head and said, “Yep. His name is U-know,” and then muffled my moans into the pillow again.

“We should act while he’s vulnerable,” Jaejoong said. “Tie him up, shove a dildo in him. Should we do that, U-know?”

U-know laughed. I have always loved his laugh. Deep and full of amusement. I’d seen him in some weird positions, twisted and bound and gagged with toys vibrating all over him. But he was happy.

I could not make Yoochun happy. That wasn’t fair. Or right. I had to let him go to make him happy. For the ga-billionth time, I wondered if he was happy.

I sighed when fingers ran through my hair.

“Minnie-baby?”

“What?”

“You should go find him.”

“I told him I wouldn’t.”

“I know. But you should.”

“He’s still only seventeen.”

“It’s been two years. You should at least let him know you’re still interested.”

Worst two years of my life. I thought about Yoochun while Jaejoong played with my hair and Yunho’s massage moved to my lower back. When he left, I’d put enough money in a suitcase for him and his family to live well-off for a few years. I couldn’t risk having a bank account traced back to me, so I had to use cash. It was a lot of money, and hopefully worth it. I hope he was in a good school.

All I knew was that his family moved. The house where his mother and brother used to live stood empty the first time I drove by. The second time, another family had moved in.

I walked through my own life with a permanent haze around my head. A steady mantra of _one more year_ kept my heart beating and my feet moving. I wasn’t lazy. I didn’t let myself or my business waste away, but I was withdrawn. Everyone noticed. But only Jaejoong and the servants in my house knew the reason for my melancholia.

The hands on my body stilled. The sounds of kissing filled the room. I propped up on my elbows and looked behind me.

Jaejoong was kissing his toy, a finger slick with the massage oil twisted his nipple, spreading the oil around his chest.

I sighed and sat up just as Jaejoong pushed U-know on the bench. He went willingly, sitting on the edge. He moaned as more oiled fingers ran over his skin. His legs fell open with a deep whimper and then lifted. His toes curled around the edge of the table, precariously balanced. Jaejoong held him steady with one hand and lowered him to the table. The other disappeared between his legs. His full cock twitched as Jaejoong’s hand moved.

I leaned over U-know and said, “You owe me.”

His dark eyes opened and he said, “S-Sorry, C-Changmin—“ I pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and then stood up. I moved around the room, trying to ignore the pleadings dropping from U-know’s mouth while I pulled on my clothes.

I turned around and smiled at the pair. Jaejoong’s hands gripped U-know’s chest as he thrust slowly in and out of his toy. The piercings in both nipples glistened from the vanilla oil. The almost-empty bottle lay next to his head. I made a mental note to buy some more, because it was U-know’s favorite, and obviously Jaejoong’s since it was dripping from U-know’s chest. I doubted the rest of it would last through the afternoon.

I moved to Jaejoong’s side and kissed his cheek. His eyes never left U-know, but he smiled.

“I’ll call you later,” I said.

“Go get laid,” Jaejoong said, reaching an oily hand to my crotch.

I danced away from him with a laugh. “Learn some self-restraint.”

Jaejoong snorted and said to U-know, “Do you want me to learn self-restraint. my love?”

U-know shook his head. “No, master. Never.”

Jaejoong laughed and then pushed at U-know’s body. He moved up on the bench and then rolled over, drawing his knees under his body. My mouth watered, because U-know was sexy. Jaejoong followed him up on the bench, kneeling behind him. He shoved fingers into U-know’s entrance and ran a slick hand over his ass.

“Before I’m through with you, this oil is going to cover every inch of your skin.”

U-know moaned, fingers gripping the edge of the massage table.

Yep. I was going to need to buy more oil. I did not stay to watch. I left the room and made sure to lock it behind me. Just before the door shut, U-know’s moan echoed around me.

I leaned against the door for a moment and tried to calm my raging erection. Two years of celibacy. How many more?

I went home and headed for my room. I no longer slept in my bed, because it was our bed, and I slept in the second bed chamber. I fell into the small bed with a moan. Alone, my erection returned.

I sighed in self-deprecation and shucked off my pants. My hand still had a bit of oil on it from touching U-know. I bit my lower lip as my fingers slid over the crown of my cock. Precome immediately pumped from it, and my memories supplied me a picture of Yoochun’s tongue lapping it up, small hand wrapped around the base.

How different would he be now? Would he still eagerly suck my cock into his throat until I covered his beautiful face in come?

I moaned low, teasing myself with the images of our last night together. Of his ass pink from me slamming into him. Of come dripping from his entrance and splattered all over his body. I licked him clean that night.

I wanted to know what he looked like gagged, with only his eyes begging me.

I wanted to know if he still wanted me.

My passion cooled and I moaned in frustration. If he didn’t want me, then nothing else mattered. I stopped stroking and stared at the ceiling until the light in the windows went dark and my stomach grumbled at me. I was still hard, god, I felt like I’d been hard for two years, but sometimes, it wasn’t about getting off. Sometimes it was about remembering Yoochun’s smiles, the way he laughed, the way his long hair brushed his shoulders.

I sat up and pulled on sweats. I took off my button down shirt, and then left the room. I should have just called for food to be brought up, but I was restless. I pattered barefoot through the elegant house. It always felt so empty.

A light burned in the kitchen.

Mirae smiled at me from behind a table.

“Don’t you ever sleep?” I asked and kissed her cheek.

“Not when you need me, sir.”

I sat hard on a stool by a counter. She brought over tea and a few pieces of bread. I ate them slowly.

“Sir,” she said.

“Yes?”

“You did not check your mail today.”

The tone in her voice made me turn around to look at her. In her hands was a gray envelope. She held it out for me. The envelope was thick, fancy. Not the usual business mail I received. The return address said it was from the Kim Swanee’s School of Music. Confused, I tore open the top and pulled out a card.

_You are hereby invited as a special guest to the piano recital of our top graduate, Park Yoochun. A special banquet will be held directly after the recital in the main ballroom of Kim Swanee’s School of Music._

My vision blurred and I tried to read the date and time and place. My hands were shaking too bad. I read again. And then again.

I licked dry lips.

Graduation? Top student?

Mirae dabbed at my eyes with a napkin. I turned wide eyes to her and showed her the invitation. She smiled widely. “Oh sir, will you go?”

I licked my lips again and nodded. “Yes. Of course. I … fuck, I need a new suit.” I jumped off the stool, hugged Mirae and then left the kitchen, happy for the first time in a long time.

\----

Kim Swanee’s School of Music was the most prestigious music school in Seoul. I knew that Yoochun was good at the piano. But not this good. Well, it’d been two years. He must have improved a lot.

The recital was set in a small room. There were no more than fifty people there. Our seats were assigned and I found my name on a chair near the back. The others milling around the room were from different colleges from around the globe. Four or five languages filled the room, punctuated by accented English.

I felt very out of place in my corner. But I was a business man, so I held my head high. Jaejoong had talked me into a black suit with a light blue shirt and a darker, brighter blue tie. He didn’t have to talk too much. Yoochun’s favorite color had always been blue.

The lights dimmed. Excited chatter filled the room as a man walked onto the stage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming. This is such a wonderful event, and I’m very pleased to introduce you to one of the best musicians to graduate from this school. Park Yoochun was accepted into this academy, because he had the money to pay for it.”

Titters rose from the crowd.

“He has no background, no heritage that would normally mark a Swanee Music student. His first request to apply was dismissed. His second request was accepted, only because his piano teacher insisted upon it. As director of the piano program at this school, I am very glad I caved and allowed this young man into my school. I hope that the directors learn from this, learn that there is talent everywhere in this world, no matter where you come from. At the age of seventeen, Park Yoochun is set to graduate tomorrow with full honors. His intellect and critical thinking is unsurpassed. He writes beautiful, heart wrenching melodies, and at the same time, can lead a debate on the public funding crisis. He would be a great asset to any college, and I can stand up here and tell you that all you want, but until you hear him play, you will not understand. Ladies and Gentleman, Park Yoochun.”

There was polite applause, but I froze as Yoochun, my darling, walked onto the stage. The first thing I noticed was his short hair: a pang of loss shot through me. It was cut close to his face. The second thing I noticed were his broad shoulders, and the way the suit hung from his body. His tiny waist. He carried himself with dignity, with pride. But he looked slightly embarrassed to be up on stage.

The lights on the stage brightened. Yoochun turned to the audience and in a quiet voice introduced himself. I did not hear the words he said, just his deep, gravelly voice. His voice was humble, his bow deep.

God, his shoulders.

He sat on the piano bench. Everything was silent and then his fingers touched the keys, and the most beautiful melody fell from his fingertips. I loved music, and I knew my darling loved music.

But this wasn’t loving music; this was breathing, eating, dreaming, living music.

I tried to follow his fingers, but my eyes were drawn to his face, to the concentration etched in his eyes and cheeks. His face was still round, but he’d grown up, the angles sharpened enough to give him a strong jaw. The long column of his neck teased me where it disappeared under the collar of his shirt.

Silence, and then applause.

Yoochun stared at the keys for a moment, hands on his lap. His chest rose and fell. He smiled at the audience, still humble and sincere. He started a second song. This one was no less beautiful, but the melody was haunting, painful. Nothing like the happiness from the first song.

His face was different too. Hardened, determined. There was very little of my darling left in the boy at the piano. He was so different. I still loved him. I still wanted to climb on that stage and hold him.

My eyes stung with tears. They fell when I blinked. Was he still my darling?

Yoochun played four songs in total. Each one was his own composition. Each one was better than the last. The applause when he was through was deafening. He bowed and thanked everyone for coming.

I stayed in my seat as the director also thanked everyone for coming and directed the crowd through a door where they could meet with the pianist and have some champagne.

I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped at my eyes before standing. A piece of paper fluttered to the ground. The program. I hadn’t even looked at it.

Slowly, I picked it up and opened it. I was met with the smiling face of my darling, and I had to wipe my eyes again.

I read through the program, and stopped, blinking. The second song he’d played, the most powerful was called, _My Darling_

I had to sit back down.

“Sir?” a voice said.

I looked up, into the director’s eyes. He smiled and asked if I was all right.

I nodded, and cleared my throat. “He-he’s—“

The director nodded. “I know. A bit overwhelming, huh? Are you going to meet him? He’ll be in the other room now.”

I wasn’t sure if I could, and not break down. “P-perhaps another day,” I managed and stood up again.

He looked confused.

I bowed and thanked him quickly for allowing me to come to the recital, and then turned and left the room. The sound of voices and laughter echoed in the main entry. And then I heard his laughter, his voice amongst all the others. I stopped, warring with myself.

I needed him, and he no longer needed me.

I needed to see him. I needed—

He laughed again.

My body turned without my permission. The doors to the main ballroom were open wide, and my eyes were drawn to him. Smaller than the others around him. He bowed and smiled as people congratulated him. He still looked awed and slightly embarrassed. Humble. His long, delicate fingers wrapped around a champagne glass, that looked like it was full of water.

Our eyes met. His mouth opened and his eyes widened, and then he was moving, bowing an apology to the man he’d been talking to, but this was not what I … It was not …I did not mean for him to see me. I did not want to intrude upon his new life.

I turned around and fled the hall, into the cool night air. I hurried away, and cursed as the door shut behind me. Running was the only way to get away.

“Changmin!”

My chest hitched, hearing my name in that voice. It was so different, and yet the desperation was the same.

“Please, wait. Please. Stop.”

I stopped, because I would do anything that voice told me to do. Warm fingers gripped mine and then he was past me, dragging me to the side, away from the view of the front doors. In a darkened corner, under the drooping branches of a tree. So much like our place in the conservatory. He stopped, turned, and his arms were around me, under my jacket. He was so tall now. I could no longer put my face against his head when I held him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

“You came, I can’t believe you came.”

I smiled and caved to the temptation and kissed his cheek. “Of course, I came, my darling. You invited me.”

His delighted laughter shook from him and he pulled away enough to look at me. Again, temptation consumed me and I kissed him. He moaned low in his throat, hands tightening on my lower back.

This still was not legal.

“You’re a beautiful musician, my darling.”

“You taught me how to sing.” His voice dropped an octave.

I actually blushed, glad that it was dark. Our lips met again, and then again. His body had filled out. Wiry muscles shivered under my hands. His hips pressed into mine, and his erection burned against my leg.

I needed him. I needed him so much.

I forced him back a step and pushed my hands between us. I unbuttoned his jacket, fingers quick to release the clasp on his pants.

“H-hyung,” he whispered, half panicked, half excited.

I looked at him, eyes blown with love and lust. “Tell me no,” I said.

His eyes shut and he moaned as I reached into his boxers and stroked his cock. He grabbed my suit jacket and stepped back, deeper into the darkness from the trees. He stopped, hand on a concrete wall to steady himself. I dropped to my knees and pulled his pants to his thighs. His erection sprung up in my face. I moaned and rubbed my face against him.

“God, I want you,” I whispered.

“Hyung, please, please.”

This voice was telling me not to, that it was too quick after so long, but it had been so long. I opened my mouth and sucked at the head of his cock. He put his hand in his mouth and bit down against a cry. My cock pulsed in my pants. I quickly loosened my pants and pulled out my cock, stroking in time to sucking him down my throat.

I swallowed precome. His pants and whimpers were enough to have my orgasm waving through me, teasing and twisting. But it wasn’t quite enough.

“Hy-hyung. Oh, god, hyung.”

He pushed his pants past his knees and they fell to the ground. He bent his knees, hands gripping the concrete for balance. “Hyung, touch … finger me. Finger me, please.”

I sucked on two of my fingers, coating them in spit, so much spit. His legs quivered as I slipped my wet fingers along the cleft of his ass.

“I … god, I … finger me. Now.”

I pushed both fingers inside him, moaning around his cock as his body clenched tight. He muffled a moan again. I pumped them in and out of him, twisting and curling them, over and over. He panted and then his hands were in my hair. He fucked my throat, biting his lower lip against a moan. His cock pulsed in my mouth and then he was coming. I whimpered in desperation as he filled my mouth. I swallowed and sucked, trying for more until he stopped, sagging against the wall. His body shook from the aftereffects.

He lightly tugged on my hair and I stood up. Our lips met and he moaned as he shoved his tongue into my mouth.

“Fuck me,” he whispered, “please, please, fuck me.”

I shivered and spun him around. He whined and then bit down on his arm as I pushed my fingers back inside him. He wasn’t stretched enough. It wasn’t enough. Not after two years, but I spit into his cleft and ran my fingers through it while covering my cock in more spit.

“This is such a bad idea,” I said, but held my cock at his entrance and pushed into him. He cried out my name and nothing mattered but the boy below me. I moved slow, trying to draw it out, but I knew I wouldn’t last. Two years without sex was a long time.

“Oh, god, my darling, you feel good.”

He whimpered and pushed back against me. I gripped his ass tightly and thrust into him, forcing him open, hoping I didn’t make him bleed, but kind of wanting to. I wanted him to feel me for a few days. My orgasm crashed through me in only a few thrusts. I had the mental capacity to realize that I could not come inside him, and I yanked myself away, turning so I splattered the concrete wall instead.

“Hyung,” he whined, looking over his shoulder at me.

I smiled and leaned over him and kissed his pout. “You need to go back and not with an ass full of come.”

He sighed and turned around. Pliant, he let me pull his clothes back on, and then we both sat on a nearby bench. He curled up in my lap, like he always did and clutched at my now wrinkled shirt.

The full extent of what I did hit me. Not only had I broken countless laws, the least of which was having sex in public, but I did it with a seventeen year old.

“God, I’m sorry, my darling. Talk about losing control.”

He smiled and I kissed his lower lip.

“I need to leave before someone comes looking for you.”

His smile fell. “In a minute.”

Again, I would never tell him no. I held him for a few more minutes.

“God, it’s good to see you.” He kissed me again and I allowed it for longer than I should have. His lower lip was still so plump against mine.

“I’m so proud of you,” I said and ran my fingers through his short hair.

“T-this was a formality,” he said, voice shaking.

“A formality?”

He nodded. “It was for colleges to come and see me play, but they’re sending me to Venice. To study in a private school.”

Everything went black. I had trouble breathing. “W-when?”

“Next week. They’re paying for it. The school in Venice. They want me that much.”

“You deserve it, my darling.”

“I miss you so much,” he said and then he was kissing me again, all over my face, little pecks that made me laugh and hold him tighter. He body had grown up, but he still fit perfectly in my arms.

“I have to go,” he said, obviously not wanting to. He tilted his head up and I kissed him lightly. His moan shot straight to my cock. “Fuck, hyung,” he said in that new deep voice. “I want you again.”

I shivered and then pushed him away by his shoulders. Both of our pants were suddenly tight. I brushed my fingers down his neck. His eyes fluttered shut with a moan.

“I want you too,” I said and took his hand down to my crotch.

He gripped my erection with a needy noise.

I captured his lips in another deep kiss. “Go. Don’t torture us anymore.”

“I will never forget you, hyung. Ever.”

“I know, my darling. Go.” I cupped his cheek and kissed his lower lip. “I am still waiting for you. Go to Venice, continue to be amazing, and when you need me, come and find me.”

Yoochun whimpered and clutched at my shirt. “I will, hyung. I will. I love you so much.”

My breath caught and I hugged him tightly. He’d never said he loved me before. “I love you, my darling.”

A wounded cry tore from his throat and then he was gone, away, and his footsteps pounded off in the dark.

This is what I wanted to avoid. This feeling. This pain. It had dulled over the last two years, and now it returned. I hid my face in my handkerchief. I don’t know how long I sat on that metal bench, but my body was stiff when I finally stood up. Without looking back at the school, I walked to the main road and flagged down a cab to go home.

I put my hands in my pockets and hit a piece of paper. Crumpled and torn in places.

_Hyung,  
I hope you’re reading this. I can’t bring myself to do more than hope that you’ll come and see me.  
I told them you were an old friend, and they don’t know about my past, but it still took convincing to send you an invitation.  
So if you are reading this, then that means you did come and I managed to get close enough to you to slip it into your pocket.  
I don’t know if we’ll have time to talk.  
They’re sending me to Venice. I’m excited, but also not, because I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want you to forget me. I have no idea how long I’ll be gone. Maybe we can meet in Venice. I know you have the money for a trip. Here’s the address of my school, just in case.  
Thank you for everything, hyung.  
I know part of you feels guilty, but most of you feels sorrow. I am doing well. I am happy, my family is happy. I could not have done this without you. I love music, and I love being able to play.  
I love you. I never got a chance to say that to you. Please believe it. I do. I love you so much.  
I wrote you a song. The lyrics aren’t done, because I’m not allowed to write lyrics, let alone sing them, but sometimes things don’t let you rest until you write them down. Music is like that, since it’s so close to your heart. I hope you like it.  
I will be forever your darling.  
With love  
Park Yoochun_

I read the letter four times, letting my tears drip on the page.

On the back were hastily scribbled lines with the title, “My Darling” at the top.

_A voice of calm  
A touch of need  
Whispers of my darling_

_A bruising grip  
A loving kiss  
Whispers of my darling_

_Given perfection  
For only a moment  
Given reprieve  
And then it’s snatched away_

_I want it again  
I want it again_

_A cry of loss  
A tear of grief  
Memories of my darling_

_A wailing pain  
A missing part  
Memories of my darling_

_Greed consumes  
At night alone  
Greed explodes  
And then it’s wiped away_

_I need it again  
I need you again  
I need to hear you say it._

_Feeling worship and being held  
Drawing pleasure and being torn_

_A tear of anguish  
A smile of remembrance  
Whispers of my darling  
A brush of dark  
A rustle of cloth  
Whispers of my darling_

_Alone at night_  
I need it again  
Whispers of my darling 

I memorized the lyrics, pieces falling into the memories of the second song he had played. I wanted to hear it again.

The cab driver stopped at my gate. I told him to turn around and gave him Jaejoong’s address. I did not want to be alone. It was late, but his servants let me in and led me to his room. I was warned that he was with U-know, but I’d seen the two of them together in so many states of undress and positions that I didn’t care.

The lights in Jaejoong’s suite were off save for a silver stream coming from under the door of the bedroom. I used it to make my way through the room. There was laughter just as I knocked.

Jaejoong’s voice demanded who it was, and I opened the door. His pissed off look was replaced by a smile. He was over U-know, and surprisingly both of them had sleep pants on, but I doubted they would stay on much longer. U-know’s arms were above his head, wrists tied together and attached to the headboard. There were purple splotches on his neck and chest. Jaejoong was in a biting mood.

Jaejoong sat up, face worried. He patted the end of the bed, and I sat hard. “What’s wrong?”

I gave him the letter from Yoochun.

“So you saw him?”

I nodded again. “He’s amazing, Joongie. Absolutely amazing.”

He smiled widely, reading the lyrics on the back. “Did you get to talk to him?”

“Yeah, among other things.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. Turns out my self control is wearing thin in my old age.”

Jaejoong laughed. “Tell me.”

I told him about how I tried to run away and how Yoochun ran after me.

Near the end of my story, Jaejoong crawled back to the U-know and kissed around his stomach. His hands gripped the waist band. U-know lifted his lower body and legs so Jaejoong could pull the pants off. There was a ring of purple around the base, and then light glinted from a piercing at the crown.

I laughed. “Damn, Jaejoong, why don’t you just cover his body in piercings?”

“That’s the goal,” Jaejoong said, flicking the barbell with his tongue. “You like it, don’t you, toy?”

U-know nodded. “Yes, Master Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong smiled up at him. He pressed a kiss to the tip of his cock and then pushed his own clothes off. “You want to stay and watch?” he asked, stroking his own cock.

I grinned and propped up on an elbow. “Sure. I have five minutes.”

U-know laughed, and then shut up at a look from Jaejoong, but Jaejoong was smiling.

“So you got to fuck him,” Jaejoong said.

I nodded. “God, I want to have him in a bed to worship.”

Jaejoong lifted U-know’s leg and kissed the inside of his knee. “Are you going to go to Venice?”

“I don’t know. You know how I am with temptation.”

“I’m pretty sure that the age of legality in Italy is seventeen.”

“That’s not why I’d go.”

“Oh, I know. But that’s a perk.”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”

I knew I was going to go to Venice. My self-control may have decreased over the last two years, but my selfishness had increased.

I lay on my side, head propped up in my hand, and I watched Jaejoong make love to his toy.


	5. Keep Me

Within ten minutes, I decided that perfection rested in Venice during late summer. I doubt I’d ever seen anything as breathtaking. I knew the ocean city was centered around canals, but I never knew that the people of Venice traveled by boat more often than car.

My neck craned up, trying to see the sites as the taxi barrelled through narrow canals. Everything was amazing. I hoped that Yoochun would be able to take me around the city, at a slower pace, and show me what he loved most about it.

The boat swerved into narrower waterways. The trees lining the canals were still green, though every now and then a burst of orange broke up the canopy. The air smelled fresh and clean. It was a good place for a man to get an education.

The driver stopped at a guard gate, engine idle, close enough for the guard and I to converse. I gave my name and showed my ID. I had scheduled an appointment to see Yoochun almost two weeks ago.

Ever since Yoochun turned eighteen, I probably had written him thirty or forty letters. He wrote a few back, most of them short, saying how busy he was. He ended each one with, “I love you” and signed them all “Your Darling.” I kept them in my desk drawer and re-read about his teachers and his lessons and the other boys at the school. His roommate’s name was Kim Junsu, another Korean, who was there on a singing scholarship. I was excited to hear them sing and play.

The guard made a short phone call and then opened the gate to allow me through. The taxi steered through. The school had four docks, and the driver stopped at the one labeled “Guests”. Slightly unsteady, I climbed out of the small boat and paid the driver. He gave me his card so I could call him when I was ready to go back to my hotel in the city.

I paused before going in the doors, reveling in the view of the city behind me. Everything was so close together, but I did not feel crowded or impatient. I never would have been able to give Yoochun an atmosphere like this for him to learn and grow in. I hoped he was happy.

I climbed the stone stairs and opened the door. It led me to an indoor courtyard. There was a sign that said, “Visitors and Deliveries” with an arrow pointing to the right. I followed the directions. My boots echoed on the stone hallway. There was a window with a “Check In” sign above it. A young Italian boy sat on a chair behind it. He smiled and said Hello in Italian. I grinned back, apologized for not speaking Italian and asked if we could speak in English.

“Oh, of course, sir. What may I help you with?”

“My name is Shim CHangmin. I’m here to visit Park Yoochun.”

“Yes, of course. He is in an auditorium at the moment. He has a concert coming up and has been practicing for many hours. Please sign in.”

I took the pen, signed my name and listed the date and time I arrived. He gave me a visitor tag that had my name on it.

The boy jumped from his chair. He put up a sign that said that he would return in ten minutes. He disappeared and reappeared through a door. “Please follow me.”

I followed him through archways and doorways and more courtyards. I was hopelessly lost as we climbed a flight of stairs, and then went through more arches and doors. We walked for almost five minutes. He must have seen my confusion because he started talking, telling me how this building used to be a palace in the 1700s.

He stopped at a door and opened it quietly. “I’m sure he’s not through yet, but if you promise not to disturb him, you may sit in the back and wait.”

“Thank you,” I said, in Italian.

He smiled and let me by him. The door shut with a soft click.

It was dark after the lightness and I had to blink a few times until my eyes adjusted. A pure voice was singing, in English, slightly accented, but beautiful. Piano notes wove through the song. I moved up a few steps and then stopped, staring. The auditorium was pretty small. And dark. Only a single light shone up on stage.

My darling sat at the piano. He wore khakis, and a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned, with a tank underneath it. A school jacket hung on the back of a chair. His face was firm with concentration, fingers trailing over the piano keys with little effort.

I managed to tear my eyes away from him and look at the other man. He was also beautiful. His mouth opened wide as he held a note, eyes shut, arms out. I wondered if this was Kim Junsu.

I managed to move to a chair, and I sat hard, eyes wide. Unwilling to blink.

The boy ended his note and moved on with the song, strong and powerful. His voice made my skin pebble.

And then he moved in behind Yoochun and put his hands on Yoochun’s shoulders. Yoochun did nothing but keep playing as he continued to sing. I glared at his fingers on MY darling’s shoulders as he rubbed the muscles and then up to his neck. The tip of his fingers touched behind Yoochun’s ear and Yoochun’s finger slipped on a key.

“Damn it, sunbae,” Yoochun snapped and stopped playing. He spun around and out of the other’s hands.

He smiled, his look unrepentant. I wondered how old he was. He looked older than Yoochun. Even though Yoochun was eighteen now, he still looked young, maybe sixteen. His skin so soft, eyes so wide. They belayed an innocence I knew he didn’t have.

“Calm down. We got this, Chunnie-yah. It’s perfect.”

“It’d be nice to go through it completely.”

“We did yesterday, and we will tomorrow. Let’s take a break.” He sat on the bench with Yoochun, but when he tried to put his arm around Yoochun’s waist, Yoochun slid away and stood up.

“Stop it, sunbae. I told you I’m not interested.”

“So what? Mutual need, remember. Empty auditorium.”

“No, thank you.”

“You’ve been protesting too much since last time.”

“Last time you pounced on me while I was still asleep. Hardly counts.”

He stood up and stalked toward Yoochun. He was still smiling, but it was no longer a friendly smile. Yoochun swallowed and backed away from him. I saw red and stood up. I scuffed my feet. They both flipped to me and I saw Yoochun’s face brighten in a smile.

“Darling?” I said, making it a question.

“Hyung!” he shouted. “You’re here early.” He seemed embarrassed and if I had come in right then I may have thought I interrupted something between them.

Yoochun jumped from the stage and ran up the aisle to me, white shirt billowing behind him. God, he was so tall now. I sped up and met him halfway. He buried himself in my arms, breath deep. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and looked up at the other onstage. He smirked at me and crossed his arms. He did not bother to hide the half hard erection in his pants.

“This looks bad but I promise I wasn’t … he’s always … I didn’t do anything with him,” Yoochun said in a rush.

I kissed the side of his head, by his temple. “I know, my darling. I’ve been here for about ten minutes and just thought I’d claim what was mine.”

Yoochun sighed deeply.

“Are you going to introduce me to your friend, Chunnie-yah?”

Yoochun stiffened in my arms. He looked up at me, and I smiled at him until he smiled back and then he laughed and pressed a quick kiss to my lips that made me whimper. He half turned in my arms and said, “This is Shim Changmin. Hyung, this is Kim Junsu.”

“Pleased to meet you finally,” Junsu said, although he didn’t look it. I didn’t blame him. Yoochun curled into my side.

I smiled at him again. “You’re too tall to fit there now,” I whispered, nuzzling his ear.

He shivered and then gasped as my hand slipped into his open shirt and settled on his side. He was eighteen. I did not have to hide my desire for him anymore. I could tell just from this small touch that my darling had grown up, bulked up, with wider shoulders, firmer muscles. Desire was flowing strong through me.

“The boy who brought me here says you two are preparing for a concert,” I said, directing the comment at Junsu.

He nodded. “We’ve written some songs together, and we’re performing in two weeks.”

“Will you be here, hyung?” Yoochun asked.

“Technically, no. But I’ll extend my stay. I was only going to stay in Venice for a week, but another one won’t kill me.”

“Good.” Yoochun turned in my arms, and I kept my hands around his waist, fingers in the belt loops of his pants. We walked down the aisle. “We’ll practice again tomorrow, Junsu-sunbae.”

“Okay. See you later, then.” He shot a glare at me and then left the room.

Yoochun sat hard on the end of the stage and put his face in his hands. I stood in front of him and carefully moved them.

“I-I’m sorry--”

I leaned forward and kissed him. I did not need his apologies for things that were out of his control. If I had come in to them making out, I would have been very angry, but Junsu had been trying to force him.

I settled between his legs and settled my hands on his thighs. He moaned into my mouth, arms wrapped around my neck. I slipped my fingers under the unbuttoned shirt.

“H-hyung, not … fuck, not here.” He tangled his hands in my hair and continued kissing me harshly.

I wasn’t sure we were going to make it anywhere else. Then he yanked himself away.

“I-I can get in trouble,” he said.

I did not want him to get in trouble. I ran my hands up his chest. “Okay. Then …”

He bit his lower lip. “I have a class at three, but I’m free after that. About five.”

I brought his hand to my mouth and kissed his palm. “Does that mean I can take you out to dinner?”

He smiled. “Yes. I’m eighteen now so I don’t have a curfew.”

“Really?” I said. My fingers feathered over his exposed collarbones and neck.

His eyes fluttered shut. A pink tongue licked his lips. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he stopped me again. “No. I … I’m about to jump you. I can’t … not here.”

I chuckled. “So then what? It’s only one.”

“I”ll show you around the school if you’re interested.”

I leaned close and lips almost touching said, “I’d rather show myself around your skin, but that’s fine. It’s been nine months; I can wait a few more hours.”

He laughed, pressed a kiss to my mouth quickly and then pushed me away. I stepped back.

I held out my hand. Yoochun smiled at me and took it. The lust between us dropped to simmer, and he led me out of the auditorium. He showed me all around his school, through most of the building, but not to his dorm. He said he didn’t want to go because Junsu was probably there. I understood. I didn’t want to see Junsu again either. He talked of everything. Of his classes and teachers and his mother and brother. In about a month, his brother had a break from business school, so they were coming to visit.

With a secretive grin, he pulled me along a sidewalk, under trees, around fences and bushes. We weren’t far from the main entrance, but when he stopped, in a small courtyard, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

“I don’t have much time,” he said, and walked on the grass. I followed him, and we both sat. He lay down, his head in my lap. I stretched my legs out. My fingers found their way into his hair.

“You’ll grow your hair out again, right, my darling?” I asked.

He laughed. “Yes, hyung. When I can. It’s getting too long, and they’re going to make me cut it soon.”

With the heat of the afternoon sun, it almost felt like our copse of trees in our conservatory.

“I love you,” he said and looked up at me.

I smiled down at him and then leaned over. He propped up on an elbow and our lips met in a soft kiss. I whispered the endearment into his mouth, again and again. He rotated, mouth never leaving mine, until he was straddling my lap. I put my hands on his hips and pressed our foreheads together.

“I have to go to class,” he said with a pout.

I kissed it away until he was smiling again. “I’ll see you soon though.”

“Yeah.” Reluctantly, he climbed from my lap. He held out his hands and I gripped them. He pulled me to my feet.

“You’re getting strong,” I said and ran my hands over his shoulders.

He grinned. “Sometimes there’s nothing to do but work out. You should see my abs.”

I reached for his shirt, but he laughed and moved away from me. “Later, hyung. I don’t trust you to control yourself.”

I laughed and chased after him, following him through the maze of sidewalks and hallways. He let me catch up to him once we were in a main part of the school again. Less temptation to touch him. Our hands joined, fingers entwined. He led me back to the main office. I called the taxi driver and asked to be picked up.

Yoochun stood with me until the last possible moment. With one more sigh, and one more kiss, he turned around and ran off. I knew he’d never make it to class on time.

The taxi took me back to my hotel. I went to the café first for some tea and to check my messages from work. There was nothing pressing, so I returned to my room. I slipped my jacket off, hanging it up on the back of a chair. I loosened my tie and tossed it over the jacket, and then unbuttoned my white shirt.

I had an hour and a half until Yoochun came.

I collapsed on the bed, spread eagle and tried not to touch myself.

\---

Unwilling to wait longer than necessary, I met Yoochun outside, as he stepped up from the dock of the canal. I may have been a tiny bit obsessed with him. I kissed his cheek, and then paid the driver. Yoochun had a backpack with him, and I raised my eyebrows at it.

“What?” he asked, an innocent look in his eyes.

I smiled and asked the doorman to please have his bag taken up to my room. We walked around. I had a reservation at a restaurant at seven. Yoochun played tour guide, just like I had hoped and he talked about the architecture and art and history of almost every building we passed. I listened to him, but I also watched him. He smiled so much, and everything excited him, and he laughed and his eyes shone, and his cheeks turned red when he was really excited about something. We stopped at a Rialto Market and bought raspberries and blueberries and at them as the sun set over the tops of the buildings.

He spoke Italian almost fluently, and English pretty much fluently. He said he was learning Japanese, and wanted to try to tackle Russian next. I thought he was being pretty ambitious with that.

He chattered all through dinner, and laughed at my stories of Jaejoong and U-know. After dinner, we walked across the street to a small gelato shop. He kept a firm grip on my hand and fed me tart raspberry gelato from his spoon. The gleam in his eyes turned lustful as I licked at the spoon.

Yoochun took a deep breath and then smirked at me. Actually smirked.

“What?” I asked, using my own spoon to eat from his cup.

“This gelato would taste better eaten off your skin.”

I choked and coughed. He smiled, unrepentant, and continued eating. And I thought about that. Eating gelato from his body, everything sweet and slick and sticky and salty.

“Oh, god,” I muttered and felt heat rush up my cheeks.

He laughed. “Should we finish these on the way back to your hotel?”

I nodded, throat tight and unable to actually talk. His smile was doing things to my body. We left the store and walked toward the hotel. I could barely eat my gelato without my hand shaking.

“Still horny as ever,” Yoochun muttered.

I smiled at him. “Sorry. II’ve only had sex once in three years.”

He looked away, cheeks reddening.

I tilted my head and said, “Yoochun.”

He winced, because I never, ever called him by his name if I didn’t have to.

“Tell me.”

“I … I haven’t either, but Junsu … he’s … persistent.”

“Have you reported him?”

“He’s their poster child. He gets away with everything.” Yoochun looked like he was about to cry. I dumped my gelato in the next trashcan and took his hand. I had a lot of questions, all about to spurt rudely from my lips. I needed to calm myself down. The thought of anyone else touching my darling angered me beyond reason. I needed to calm down so I could show Yoochun that I was not upset with him.

We arrived at the hotel a few minutes later. My room was ostentatious and overly done. After spending time walking around the city with Yoochun, I planned on checking out the next morning and finding a more quaint place to stay. Less manufactured, more hand made.

I led him right to the bed, and he sighed as he sagged into the mattress, feet still on the floor. I kneeled on the edge of the bed, hovering over him. I pressed a kiss to his neck.

“Junsu-shi is a good sunbae. He taught me a lot when I first started here, and then he requested to be my roommate, and I’ve been rejecting him every since.”

“Sounds like he’s a little too persuasive.”

Yoochun snorted. “When he wakes me up with his mouth around my cock, then yes, I’d say so.”

I kissed him, slow and steady, until he relaxed below me.

“I saw him force himself on you, my darling. And I saw you refuse him. Anything he’s done in the past is not your fault.”

“He says it is because I’m so beautiful.” A red tinge covered my darling’s cheeks.

“Well, he is right about you being beautiful.” I kissed a collarbone peaking out from his t-shirt. “And irresistible. I don’t blame him at all.”

“Hyung,” Yoochun said and tried to push me away.

I chuckled and continued to kiss along the neckline of his shirt. I kept the kisses small, nothing more than an open mouth. He moaned, fingers clenched on my biceps. His chest rose in a deep breath and then he cursed, under his breath. He pushed himself away, up further on the bed. I laughed as practically tore his shirt off.

“Fuck this,” he said again. “I am … fuck me, hyung, just … no teasing. Not now.”

I lay on my side, propped up on an elbow and watched him strip. “What would you say if I said I didn’t have lube?”

“Take me raw.”

My cock pulsed in my pants and I moaned. He smirked over his shoulder at me as he tore off his boxers.

“And I brought a bag, remember? I came prepared.”

I laughed and stood up, rolling away from him just before he launched himself at me.

“Hyung,” he whined as he landed on the bed where I had been. I smiled at him and bent over, picking up his bag. He lay on his back, spread eagle and stroked his cock. He was right; his abs were amazing. I tore my eyes away from his body and unzipped the back. He had an extra change of clothes, and a school book. Unceremoniously, I upended the bag and dumped everything out.

“Hyung! Geez.”

I smiled and bent over again, picking up a bottle of lube and a yellow dildo. “What is this? Huh?”

He grinned, cheeks flushing slightly, but still trying to be confident and secure. “My birthday present to me.”

“We may have to use this later.”

I left the dildo on the nightstand and then went back to the bed with the lube. I kissed his shin, mouth open along the bone. His skin twitched.

“How long has it been?” I whispered as I dragged my mouth up to his knee, and then further, over his thigh.

“Nine-nine months.”

“Too long, huh?”

“Oh, god, yeah.”

I sucked patches of skin into my mouth, chewing lightly on them.

“Oh, please, hyung, just … make me come, just …”

I wrapped my hand loosely around his cock and stroked lightly. Yoochun’s hands settled in my hair, tugging lightly as I continued to kiss his skin. I kneeled next to him, bent over, lying kisses over his abs and up his stomach. His muscles weren’t yet defined, and still held the scrawniness of youth. In a couple more years though, they were going to be better than mine. I had new resolve to keep myself healthy and start exercising more frequently.

“Still so beautiful, my darling,” I whispered.

“Hyung, please, oh please.”

I pressed my lips against the soft crown of his erection. He moaned, and I licked up a sudden stream of precome. I felt him pulse in my hand, grow larger and jerked. I kept my lips there, rubbing the head against them as I stroked him slowly.

“Fuck, hyung. Fuck.” He thrashed his head and tried to bend his knees and jerk into my hand. I added a bit of pressure on an upstroke, and then sucked the head of his cock into my mouth. He shouted my name, hips rising and then came, spurting into my mouth. I swallowed, gagging just a little since I wasn’t as used to it anymore.

Yoochun panted, gripping fingers turning to light caresses as I licked up and down his quivering erection.

“God, hyung, I’ve missed you.”

I let his cock fall from my mouth and then moved over him, above him. I kissed him deeply. His arms snaked around my shoulders, pulling me flush against him. Our bodies rolled to the sides and then he was straddling me, rocking against my still-trapped erection.

Slim fingers unbuttoned my shirt. I propped up on my elbows so he could push it off my shoulders, but the last few buttons were still fastened. I sat up, and he pulled it over my head. My undershirt followed right after.

He sat back, right on my crotch and ran his hands up and down my chest and stomach. “Still so sexy, hyung.”

I smiled and caught his wrists. “And you’re even sexier.”

He smirked. “And here I was worried you wouldn’t want me now that I was legal.”

“Darling!” I said and pushed him off me. He laughed and curled in on himself. I jumped over him, pinning him to the bed with my body. I kissed his shoulder and then neck and arm. He fought with me, laughing more as I dug my fingers into his ribs. He begged me to stop and I turned my torture to caresses. He gasped, hands clenching the blankets.

“So sensitive.”

“Please, hyung, please.”

“What do you want?” I whispered. I leaned over him and our mouths met.

“You. Inside, me please. Just … finger me.”

I shivered from my memories of a fifteen year old Yoochun begging me to finger him.

I kneeled between his legs, and he grabbed under his thighs, pulling his legs up for me to see him. Everything about him was so beautiful. I ran my hands over his smooth skin of his thighs and ass. He shivered under the attention. I leaned forward. I meant to grab the lube and prep him like he wanted, but it was too tantalizing. Too addicted. Too tempting.

I ran my tongue up the cleft of his ass. He cried out, body tensing. His skin smelled so good. I rutted lightly against the blankets, keeping time to the licks over his entrance. It quivered under my tongue, tensing as I pushed in further. His moans echoed around the room. His thighs started shaking. I licked him, over and over, again and again. I lost track of time before adding a finger to play. Just the pad pushed into him and he gasped out my name. His cock was hard and weeping clear fluid all over his stomach.

I licked him a final time, pushed my finger into him all the way and then just watched his face. Mouth open, eyes squeezed shut. His tongue darted out, licking his lower lip.

Very slowly, I moved my finger in and out of his tight channel. His abs twitched as I ran my other hand over his body.

“Oh, god, hyung, please.” His eyes opened, meeting mine, and I took a deep breath at the unconstrained lust and greed in them.

I had definitely played long enough. I pulled away from his body and took off the rest of my clothes. He moaned in anticipation, leg rubbing up and down my back. I found the bottle of lube in the folds of blankets, after covering my fingers in the citrus liquid, I poured more right on his body. He panted, neck arching, eyes shut again. Slightly shaking, I pushed two fingers into him. He cried out my name, screaming in bliss as I pumped and spread and twisted my fingers in and out of his body.

His cock jerked, and I caved in the temptation and sucked it into my mouth.

“No, no, no, hyung, please. I want … come inside me. Fuck me. Don’t.”

I knew what his mutterings meant. I let his cock go and it slapped against his stomach. I grabbed him under the hips and yanked him toward me until his ass was against my legs. I held my cock down, swiped it over his entrance. The sound of his voice echoing through the room made my eyes shut in bliss. I pushed into him, gasping: half from the tightness, and half from the disbelief that I was finally with my darling again.

He moaned my name, trying to roll his hips up. I thrust into him, unsteady, weak. I couldn’t do more. My heart clenched tightly in my chest. My lungs refused to breathe. I felt so much love for my darling, that nothing else mattered. I fell over him, lips joining in a kiss as the pleasure in my body doubled, tripled, quadrupled. I knew I was fucking him, but I barely felt myself moving. Barely registered anything beyond the touch of his tongue on mine.

“Fuck, I love you,” I whispered, and then repeated it over and over again, whispering it into his mouth, his cheeks, his nose and chin. His breath left him in an anguished cry and then the kisses tasted salty. I licked up his tears and stopped moving. His arms and legs wrapped around my body. We were both shaking, trying to calm down.

His cries lessened, and then he kissed my shoulder, up to my neck. I moaned and rocked my hips again. He pushed at my body and I rolled us over. I slipped out of him only momentarily.

Yoochun straddled my waist, held my cock up and then sat, head falling back as I stretched him open again. His hands clenched my chest. His eyes stayed shut as he started riding me. I gripped his hips and bent my knees, lifting slightly to meet him. He moaned, gasping. He wrapped a shaking hand on his cock and stroked himself.

The waning pleasure returned as his body clenched around my cock. He cried out, moving faster, and I jerked up harder, slapping our bodies together. His cock twitched in his hand. His fingers dug into my skin as he whimpered my name. He curled over me, shivering, and then shouted out as his cock pulsed and warm come splattered over my chest. Yoochun barely held himself up and I smiled, bringing his lips down to mine for a kiss. He moaned and rolled again, to his side. His chest was heaving with deep breaths.

I situated on my knees. I lifted one of his legs to my shoulder and pushed back into him. He turned his head, muffling his moans on a pillow. I sucked on his thigh, leaving hickys on his pale skin.

“God, you feel so good, hyung,” he said, and then his hand was on his cock, stroking. Ah, to be eighteen again.

I rolled him to his back, fell over him and kissed him while I fucked him. My orgasm teased me, making me think it was there and snatched away. His hands gripped my ass, pushing me harder and I slammed into him, speeding up unconsciously until nothing made sense. The teasing worsened, and then was gone, orgasm ripping through me. I broke away from his lips, screamed as I came, pumping him full of my release.

He whimpered in pleasure and then kissed me through the aftershocks. I didn’t stop moving for a long time, and then fell against him, smashing him into the bed. His fingers traced nonsensical patters on my back, sweat cooled on my skin.

“I love you, hyung,” he whispered, “but you’re squishing me.”

I laughed and kissed his cheek before carefully pulling out of him and rolling to my back. He rolled with me and kissed my chest and licked at my nipples. I did as he had and ran my fingers over his back.

“So I’ve been thinking,” he said.

I made a noise to show I was listening. A soft breeze blew in from the open bay windows.

“Now that I’m eighteen, I can live off campus, as long as I’m not late for classes or I don’t get in trouble.”

“Really?” I smiled, because I had a sudden thought on where this was going.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking of moving off campus just to … for the privacy.”

I scowled thinking of Junsu’s advances; it was a great idea. I lifted his face to mine and pressed a kiss on his lips. “Consider it done, my darling.”

“B-but, hyung, I … I wasn’t—there’s more. What?”

I smiled at his confusion. “I will buy a villa on the mainland tomorrow, still close enough for you to get to school on time, and you can live there. We can live there.”

“Hy-hyung, I … I was going to get a job and work and--”

“You can still do that, my darling.”

“Wait. We? You … are you going to move to Venice?” He pushed up, hands on my chest. His eyes lit up, and his lips quirked. He was trying so hard not to look excited.

“Maybe not permanently. I have too many businesses in Korea, but I figure a few weeks at a time, preferably when you have your breaks. I’ll consider it a vacation home.”

“Oh, god, hyung.” He kissed me, and then again and again, until I was laughing. I wrapped my arms around him, lowered him to the bed and really, really kissed him. Slow, a tangle of tongues, nibbling on his lower lip. He moaned and arched into me. His erection pushed against my hip.

I shivered, and then mock-scowled at him. “You are insatiable, my darling.”

His smile widened, and then he broke into delightful laughter. I kissed his neck and down his collarbones. His fingers brushed over my cock, and then wrapped around me. I moaned as he stroked me. I was hard again pretty quickly.

“Remember when you told me that you’d do anything I asked you to do?” Yoochun muttered.

I grinned. “Yes.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, too.”

“And?”

He propped up on an elbow and met my eyes. His cheeks were red from embarrassment. “We … not tonight, but later, I …” He chewed on his lower lip. I gripped it with my fingers and pulled at it until he grinned and licked my fingers. I rubbed them over his chin and then down his neck to his nipples.

“What do you want, my darling?”

“Re-remember … I …” He let out a breath of air. “This isn’t as embarrassing in my head.” He fell back to the bed and bent one leg, swaying it back and forth while his fingers picked at the sheet.

“Is this a sexual request?” I asked with a smirk. He didn’t reply but he cheeks went redder and the blush moved down his neck. I leaned over him and kissed his collarbones, rutting against him lightly. “I told you to never be embarrassed to ask for what you want.”

“I know, but … I also don’t want you to be upset with me and …”

“Just say it, my darling.”

He sat up and crossed his legs and leaned forward. I saw the gleam in his eye; he really wanted what he was about to ask for. “Just don’t get mad.”

“Okay.”

“Like four months ago, I … anyway, I woke up to my hands tied up and—“

I scowled.

“—look, I told him to fuck off, and said I’d call rape on him, and he let me go, but …” He flung himself to the bed with a moan. “Then later, I thought of you doing that to me and I almost came. And—“

I crawled over him and kissed up his chest. “You want me to tie you up?”

“M-maybe.”

I licked a wet trail up his breast bone. He tilted his head back with a moan, giving me access to his neck and Adam’s apple. I sucked skin into my mouth and bit down lightly. He’d have a light mark for a couple of days.

“Or maybe,” I whispered, moving up to his ear. I blew warm air against his skin before tugging at the lobe with my teeth, “maybe you do want to be a little toy. A collar, a leash. On your hands and knees. I like that idea. It would put your face right at my crotch. Easy access to your mouth and throat.”

He was panting, fingers gripping my back. “Oh, god, yeah.” His eyes opened, and his look was serious before a small smile turned his lips. “Please, master.”

I moaned and kiss him hard. He moaned and then his fingers wrapped around my erection.

“Just what I wanted,” he whispered against my lips. He suddenly twisted and was gone, lifting up to his hands and knees. He smirked at me over his shoulder and then shook his ass in my face. “Fuck me, hyung.”

I spanked him lightly, and he yelped, startled, and then begged for one more. I laughed, wrapped my arms around his waist and tackled him to the bed again. He groaned, but kissed me back as our lips met. We rearranged, our kisses increasing. He ended up with his legs around my waist again, and with a minor movement and direction, I slipped my cock back into his body.

He moaned, fingers clutching my back.

“I love you, my darling,” I whispered into our kiss.

Yoochun nodded and said, “God, love you, hyung. I love you so much.”

I made love to my darling until neither of us had any energy. The night air turned cool, and I watched my darling sleep, wrapped in the sheets of the bed. Light from the city reflected off his body. I rubbed his back and smiled when he shifted, curling more tightly around me. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, whispered another ‘I love you’, and settled down to sleep.

I could see myself living in Venice, wandering the streets. Hand-in-hand with my darling.


End file.
